Social Media: English Comment korrigieren

Hallo, könnte mir jemand Verbesserungsvorschläge für diesen Comment im Bezug auf Soziale Medien geben?

Social networks are used by many people all over the world.
They use them to stay in touch with their friends or family, get information about what`s happening in other parts of the world or just to bore something away. However there are also many negatives aspect of social media. 4 instance people treat others very condescending Lee online social network are also used to haress and envy of others. First of all I social media is a marvellous option for humans to discover new possibilities for their future. One can find new attractions and places in the world which one would never have heard of. This can be exemplified by the aspect the many people I know seek for travel inspiration online to plan and elaborate potentially taken trips. In addition social media also encompasses text-based communication devices which are great to stay in contact with acquaintances who live far away. Nonetheless I assume the text-based communication is not an appropriate way to maintain a proper communication at all. Shown by many recent studies communication inevitably lead to a lack of creativity. Furthermore I want to emphasise that our eyes also suffer from all the screens in our daily life. On top of that I assert that those harsh consequences are palpable for almost everyone. Another significant aspect which has to be mentioned and is the effect that is especially young people experience procrastination while spending time on their phone. The main reason for this phenomenon the social media has addictive characteristics. Social media help you to spend more and more time there which becomes more visible if you have a look on a teenager screen time. As far as I can see those platforms pray for pension from young people to get funded. Moreover I`m searching that social media leads to an happiness because of the fact that humans always compare their life to other people. Additionally mostly young people are not capable to realise that almost nothing in the internet is genuine or authentic. As a result of this many teenagers are doubting themelfes which probably leads to cruel and grave mental health issues. In conclusion I can express that I remain unconvinced and truly believe that social media is the potential risks for underage person. Therefore we need an impeccable education to direct children through the Cyberspace. Education is crucial for the future because of the indispensability of social media nowadays. Michael Goulding video is that social media has many benefits however the drawbacks outweigh them. So I plead or I control the use of social media to avoid they downsides of social media.

Danke