Meinen Letter of Motivation korrigieren: Englisch studieren?

Hallo Leute,

ich möchte mich für einen Englisch sprachigen Studiengang bewerben und es wäre eine rießen große Hilfe für mich, wenn ihr meinen Text gegenlesen könntet und korriegieren!
Vielen, vielen, lieben Dank im Voraus!



Dear xxx,


By visiting the ESMOD München in spring 2012, I knew the ESMOD offers exactly the right concept for me, but I`m drawn to a larger city that hold more appeal, always in touch with the pulse of time, so my first choice for studying is Berlin.

For me, a fashion study provides an opportunity to live my interest in the always changing and leave away from 0815 towards a lasting impression.
The engagement with materials and fashion in general brings my character advantages forth; I develop a very marked patience and endurance; I find it easy to exercise structure and organisation.
However, it is not easy for me to accept unprofessional work.
I am confident, indepently, straightforward and work with pleasure in teams without loosing assertiveness.
I can hardly wait for dealing daily with colours, shapes, proportions and cuts
Decisive for me is to learn something new every day and to expand my knowledge, likewise I find it hard to leave something incomplete, I want to finish everything neatly and accurately.

Every business can benefit from people who have clear goals in mind and  putting all their heart into their work. I would want to work and experiment already during my studies with new and technologized materials and fabrics.
In October 2013 I was able to hear about Frau xx that I have the opportunity after the second year of study to specialize in men`s Fashion. At present, I see in Menswear the my greatest development potential and ability , though need a school that prepares me the best.
To me it goes further important from the outset internationally to work with English as a basis, is a fundamental condition for my learning path.

You can expect a lot from me, at the same time I draw on the basis of your school and will face the ESMOD with commitment and respect. Ultimately, you cant describe talent and being with love with your vocation; so let me work and prove that actions speak louder than words.