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Aufsatz: Korrigieren, bitte

Frage: Aufsatz: Korrigieren, bitte
(2 Antworten)


Autor
Beiträge 4
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Hallo,
ich schreibe eine kurze weiterführende Geschichte.
Könnte da jemand drüber schauen und kurze Anmerkunegn machen? Das wäre super nett...Und wie kann man "es könnte wertvoll sein" übersetzen? Vielen Dank!

Antonio

After one hour he opened his eyes. He lay (lie) in the sand of the beach. The hot sun shone (shine) in his eyes. Many sailors lay (lie) next to him. Then he saw (see) a ship that/which wasn`t smashed.
A lot of sailors went (go) to the ship. He went (go) to it, too.
The captain said (say):” Sorry, you can`t go on the ship. We haven`t enough place. But when we are get back to Havanna, we will come back and bring more ships to save you!”
Antonio was shocked! It is a three-week trip to Havanna and back. He went to the other sailors and told (tell) them:” We only can survive together!” So they built (build) houses and waited, that the ships come back. Some of them were (are) very nervous, because they thought (think), that the ships will never come back and they (were) are lost on this island. But 3 weeks later the ships came (come) back and saved them all. Antiono sailed (sail) never again.

Ryan
Ryan said (say):” We must show the coin to grandpa. It could (can) be very valuable.” Emely answered exciting: ”Yes – ok!” So they went (go) to grandpa. On the way Emely fell (fall) over something in the sand. It was very big. Emely shouted: “What was that?” Ryan came (come) to her and looked at it. “It is something out of metal. Maybe a treasure?”, he asked himself. They both began (begin) to dig with their hands. After a few minutes grandpa came (come) and they shoveled together. Some minutes later they found (find) an old chest. The chest was closed and they couldn`t open it. But they had luck – grandpa had a universal key. They opened the chest carefully and there were a few of gold coins and a letter: “ I hope, this treasure is now in good hands!” Captain Jonas
“Wow!”, Ryan thought. We are so lucky!
Frage von lostin | am 27.01.2019 - 15:09


Autor
Beiträge 2183
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Antwort von Ratgeber | 27.01.2019 - 20:17
Antonio
  • After one hour he opened his eyes. ✓
  • He lay in the sand of the beach. ✓
  • The hot sun shone into his eyes.
  • Many sailors lay next to him. ✓
  • Then he saw a ship that/which wasn’t smashed oder hadn’t been smashed .
  • A lot of sailors went to the ship. ✓
  • He went to it,
    too. oder he also went there
  • The captain said:” Sorry, you can’t go on the ship.
  • We don’t have enough space (to have space = Platz haben)
  • But when we have arrived in Havanna, we will come back / return and bring more ships to save you!”
  • Antonio was shocked! ✓
  • It is a three-week trip to Havanna and back. ✓
  • He (Antonio?) returned to the other sailors and told them: ” Only together we can survive!”
  • So they built houses and were waiting for the return of the ships.
  • Some of them were very nervous, because they thought that the ships would never come back and they would be lost on this island.
  • But 3 weeks later the ships came back and saved them all. ✓
  • Antiono never sailed again.

  • Ryan
    • Ryan said:” We must show the coin to grandpa. It might be very valuable.”
    • Emely answered excitedly : ”Yes – ok!”
    • So they went to grandpa. ✓
    • On the way Emely fell over something in the sand. ✓
    • It was very big. Emely shouted: “What was that?” ✓
    • Ryan came to her and looked at it. ✓
    • “It is something metallic . Maybe a treasure?”, he asked himself.
    • They both began to dig with their hands.
    • After a few minutes grandpa came and they shoveled oder shovelled together.
    • Some minutes later they found an old chest. ✓
    • It was closed and they couldn’t open it.
    • But they had luck – grandpa had a universal key.✓
    • They opened the chest carefully and there were a few of gold coins and a letter: “I hope this treasure is now in good hands!” Captain Jonas ✓
    • “Wow!”, Ryan thought. We are so lucky! ✓


    Autor
    Beiträge 4
    0
    Antwort von lostin | 28.01.2019 - 13:06
    Super! Vielen, vielen Dank...dann war das alte ja gar nicht so schlecht, glaube ich!

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