englisch bitte kurz rüberlesen

dankeschöön habs überarbeitet :D

so gut?

Facebook

Statement: “ Facebook is dangerous for children”

I don´t agree completely with that statement because Facebook is one of many blogging systems that people of all ages from all over the world are using and these Blogs are a sort of online diaries where children could share their daily activities with close friends and families. But their can also upload photos, attach youtube videos, and play games. It keeps them connected with the people they care about, even if they are living far apart. There are plenty of games and activities that they can enjoy with friends or alone, e.g.: make up quizzes and jokes to amuse theirselves in moments of boredom. But however, there are of course also several reasons for paying attention while using this site.
One problem is the lack of privacy. Children are supposed to have control their privacy settings and check who sees what in their own space, but it is still very easy for other people to access profiles.
Another negative aspect of Facebook is the addiction of children. Users fall into the habit of continuously checking their account for updates, sometimes several times a day. Other social activities will be neglect.
Therefore, I think that children should be educated about these social networks, instead of forbidding them. Parents need to make a plan with their child, which regulates at what time and how long he is allowed to be online, so a seek can be prevent.

I don´t completely agree with that statement because Facebook is one of many blogging systems that people of all ages from all over the world use (1)...These (2) Blogs are a sort of online diary where children can (3) share their daily activities with close friends and families. But they can also (4) upload photos, attach youtube videos, and play games. It keeps them connected with the people ... (5) they care about, even if they live (6)far apart. There are plenty of games and activities ...((5)they can enjoy with friends or alone, e.g.: making up quizzes and jokes to amuse themselvesin moments of boredom.
But, (7)however, there are ...(8) also several reasons why children should use this site with caution of course (9)
One problem is the lack of privacy. Children supposedly have to control their privatesettings and have the say over(10) ....(11)who is looking at their own
roomsbut it is still very easy for other people to access profiles.
Another negative aspect of Facebook is ...that... children become addicted. Users fall into the habit of continuously checking their account for updates, sometimes several times a day. Other social activities will be neglected(12).
Therefore, I think that children should be ....
more informedabout these social networks, instead of being(13) forbidden to use them. Parents must make a plan with their child, which regulates when and how long he/she is allowed to be online, so an addiction(14)can be prevented.(15)

1)simple present = gewohneitsmäßige Handlung
2)Ab und zu sollte man einen Satz neu beginnen
3) hier simple pres. - keine past tense oder Konjunktiv-Form
4) personlapronomen sie = they ; Stellung von Also nach dem Hilfsverb
5) Relativsatz hier als "contact clause" ohne Relativpronomen
6) live = leben/wohnen ist ein "statisches" Verb, das nicht in die progressive form gebracht wird
7) however inb Kommata einschließen
8)/9) of course + also ist "too much" - daher of course nachstellen
10. ) deutsch! "das Sagen haben" ganz streichen:

"to control their private settings and who is looking at their ..."

11) total vermurkelt, weil typische wörtl. übersetzt!(siehe Satgz 1o.)
12) Passsiv benötigt die 3.Verbform "...-ed"
13.) nach instead of steht gerund
14. "Sucht" mit "seek" zu übersetzen, alle Achtung, leider völlig falsch
15) vgl.12)

Korrektur: fett = eingefügt oder korrigiert; ///"..." gestrichen

ha.lo