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Könntet ihr meinen Englischtext einmal verbessern?

Frage: Könntet ihr meinen Englischtext einmal verbessern?
(4 Antworten)


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Analyzing the structure of the presented article I am going to describe the objectivity of the author`s perception in relation to the question to what extend he succeeds.
The presented article " ......" dealing with the expansion of the Heathrow`s airport consists of two parts.
The first part running from line 1 up to line 16 forms the introduction of the article where the main topic is presented. In this passage the reader is informed about the opening of the "new Terminal 5" (l.2) and about the intention of the government trying to "maintain its status as one of the world`s most important transport hubs" (l.3). In addition the author speculates about the future by estimating that the "passenger numbers" (l.9) will be doubled "to 122 million a year with a sixth terminal and a third runway" (l.9).
The main part of the article consisting of different quotations comprises the lines 8-38 and can be subdivided into two subsections: The first one begins in line 8 and ends in line 24 and deals with the negative consequences of the Heathrow`s airport expansion: It is said that there will be "more flights, more emissions and more climate change" (l.20). The other part runs from line 25 up to line 38 and deals with the positive aspects of the new Terminal 5. Attracting many "business groups" (l.25) the "growing airports are vital to help maintain Britain`s economic competitiveness" (l.26). Furthermore it facilitates the decrease of the pressure experienced in Heathrow and improves the tourist experiences (cf. ll. 33)
With regard to the objectivity of the author`s perception one can say that he presents facts and information without trying to convince the reader to have a certain opinion. Because of the use of many quotations (ll. 17-38) the reader is not able to find out the author`s personal opinion. He only tries to provide his readers with information and does not draw a conclusion. This has the effect that the reader thinks critically about the topic and has to form his own opinion. It could be assumed that the author tries to underline the positive respectively the negative aspects of the expansion or that he tries to influence the reader by the choice of words but if these aspects are analyzed one can find out that the perception is objective. Indeed he uses words like "protests" (l.8), "vociferous opposition" (l. 10) or "demolish" (l.13), which suggest negative associations, but he has to describe the situation very detailed so that the reader can comprehend the problems resulting from the expansion.
To sum up one can say that it is the frequent use of quotations giving the text the movement in contrast to other forms of texts, where the author tries to convince the reader with expressing his own opinion or with manipulating the reader`s subconscious.


Ich würde mich sehr freuen, wenn ihr den vielleicht "teilweise" korrigieren könntet!
Frage von Sunnygirl182 (ehem. Mitglied) | am 19.03.2012 - 16:22


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Antwort von sabrina.sabii (ehem. Mitglied) | 19.03.2012 - 16:25
Also ich hätte da jetzt keinen Fehler gefunden,
ich hab es aber nur so teilweise überflogen und mein english ist auch nicht gerade perfekt ^^


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Antwort von JanaAlena (ehem. Mitglied) | 19.03.2012 - 16:51
Super klasse schon! Also erst einmal Lob an dich. Das einzige, was mir einfallen würde ist, dass du eher schreiben solltest: The reader is not able to find out ABOUT the author`s opinion. Aber auch mein Englisch ist natürlich nicht perfekt und man lernt nie aus ;)

 
Antwort von GAST | 19.03.2012 - 21:44
das is mal ne nummer... in großen teilen ist das gutes englisch.

aber:
so spricht doch niemand! du sollst einen text zusammenfassen - und nich beweisen, dass du das gerund oder die bildung von nebensätzen beherrscht.

das gerund stört ab satz 2.

Zitat:
Analyzing the structure of the presented article I am going to describe the objectivity of the author`s perception in relation to the question to what extend he succeeds (what?).
The presented article " ......" deals with the expansion of the Heathrow`s airport and consists of two parts. The first part running from line 1 up to line 16 forms the introduction of the article where the main topic is presented. In this passage the reader is informed about the opening of the "new Terminal 5" (l.2) and about the government`s intention to "maintain its status as one of the world`s most important transport hubs" (l.3). In addition the author speculates about the future by estimating that the "passenger numbers" (l.9) will be doubled "to 122 million a year with a sixth terminal and a third runway" (l.9).
The main part of the article consisting of different quotations comprises the lines 8-38 and can be (sub)divided into two (sub)sections: The first one begins in line 8 and ends in line 24 and deals with the negative consequences of the Heathrow`s airport expansion: It is said that there will be "more flights, more emissions and more climate change" (l.20). The other part runs from line 25 up to line 38 and deals with the positive aspects of the new Terminal 5. Attracting many "business groups" (l.25) the "growing airports are vital to help maintain Britain`s economic competitiveness" (l.26). Furthermore it facilitates the decrease of the pressure experienced in Heathrow and improves the tourist experiences (cf. ll. 33)

With regard to the objectivity of the author`s perception one can say that he presents facts and information without trying to convince the reader to have a certain opinion. Because of the use of many quotations (ll. 17-38) the reader is not able to find out the author`s personal opinion. He only tries to provide his readers with information and does not draw a conclusion. This has the effect that the reader thinks critically about the topic and has to form his own opinion. It could be assumed that the author tries to underline the positive respectively the negative aspects of the expansion or that he tries to influence the reader by the choice of words but if these aspects are analyzed one can find out that the perception is objective. Indeed he uses words like "protests" (l.8), "vociferous opposition" (l. 10), (climate change), or "demolish" (l.13), which suggest negative associations, but he has to describe the situation very detailed so that the reader can comprehend the problems resulting from the expansion.
To sum up one can say that it is the frequent use of quotations giving (gerund ist hier falsch) the text the movement (bewegung?) in contrast to other forms of texts, where the author tries to convince the reader with expressing his own opinion or with manipulating the reader`s subconscious. (ein satz in 3 zeilen: missverständlich, kompliziert, gekünstelt, gerund falsch verwendet. geht`s einfacher?)

ab der leerzeile wird`s sehr schräg. vielleicht ist es ja vorgabe, so sachlich zu schreiben, aber so einen text würde doch niemand gerne oder freiwillig lesen. als gesprochenes wort wäre es auch kein genuss. kursiver text ist in meinen augen zu abstrakt. "kann man sagen", "kann man meinen", "kann man herausfinden" - das is zwar richtiges englisch, aber was sollen diese umschreibungen bezwecken?

dieses geschreibe ist besserwisser-gymnasial-englisch in perfektion. *find*


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Antwort von algieba (ehem. Mitglied) | 20.03.2012 - 12:30
Zitat:
It could be assumed that the author tries to underline the positive respectively the negative aspects of the expansion or that he tries to influence the reader by the choice of words but if these aspects are analyzed one can find out that the perception is objective.

Das `respectively` solltest du durch ein `or` ersetzen. Den Satz kannst du in zwei Sätze aufteilen: ...words. However, if...

Aus dem letzten Satz solltest du auch mehrere Sätze machen. Es ist keine Schande, mit `to sum up` zu beginnen und dann mehrere Sätze folgen zu lassen.

Ich stimme dem zu, was fuenf zu den gerunds sagt.
Das abstrakt-analytische Level ist ok und üblich.
Einmal kannst du `one can say` ersetzen, weil es doch recht kurz aufeinander folgt. Zum Beispiel kannst du es beim zweiten Mal einfach weglassen oder schreiben `It can be concluded`.

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