comment Korrektur

Zitat:
In my comment I will will the advantages of the smoking ban.

Was soll "will will" heißen?

Zitat:
The first advantage which should be mentionded is that the smoking is not good for our lifestyle.

When the person smoke then the nicotine destroyed the lungs and by that the person get out of breath when he or she has to cycle uphill and you can get cancer,too.

Es heißt "mentioned"
...is that smoking (kein Artikel) is not good...
When a person smokes (3. Person!) nicotine will destroy the lungs...

Zitat:
Another point to mention is the bad smell of cigarettes. For example two persons are in cafe. The one person does not like smoking and the other person like smoking and that is not so nice.

Den Absatz würd ich nochmals überarbeiten. Klingt ziemlich deutsch...als hättest Du Dir den Text in einer Suchmaschine 1 zu 1 übersetzen lassen.

Zitat:
After the cigarette arises rubbish and the rubbish must tidy up.

Was soll das heißen?

Der letzte Satz passt wieder.

ich habe dein comment ein bisschen verandert, hoffe das es dir gefaellt.

I am going to present some disadvantages of smoking.

The first disadvantage of smoking is the fact that it is harmful for our health. A person that smokes inhales nicotine that is destructive for the lungs and one is more likely to have a short breath, especially when cycling. Besides, smoking causes cancer.

Another point worth mentioning is the bad smell of cigarettes. For instance, two people are sitting in a cafe. While one of them does not like smoking, the second one enjoys doing it. It may cause some problems.

Last, but not least the aspect of rubbish should be taken into account. Fags everywhere does not make a street, park or any other place look attractive.

All in all we can say that smoking has many disadvantages and one should ban it.

ja, ich weiB was du meinst, aber ich denke auch, dass irgendwelche Hilfe besser ist, als jemandem einfach auszulachen. Wenn jemand mir hier hilft, bin ich immer zufrieden und sehr dankbar, egal was fuer eine Hilfe ist das - Korrektur od. eine Veranderung der Arbeit. Diese Person hat die Aufgabe selbst geschrieben und ich habe sie ein bisschen veraendert. Das haengt nur von dieser Person ab, ob sie meine Korrektur spaeter benutzen wird, oder nicht.