Story in english

Hi, ich muss in Englisch eine Geschichte schreiben, könnt ihr bitte mal kontrollieren und sagen ob es gut so ist, vom a) language, b) style c) context


Obsessed

A long time ago, there was a giant planet called "Schaible", on which the inhabitants, the "Xenolings", lived happy together.
But one day everything has changed:

Suddenly the sky went dark and the "Xenolings" saw a huge space shuttle landing in "Schaible". Then the door opened and a strange creature appeared. It was completely green and had tentacles looking like fire. Its eyes were so dark, that you couldn´t see its pupils. Moreover its terrified mouth was full of teeth like knives.
All the "Xenolings" were afraid of this monster, because they have never seen something like this before. They immediately knew that couldn´t be a good sign. The creature came down and walked towards the "Xenolings". Now the new bad sovereign moved its tentacles in a hypnotic way and the inhabitants weren´t able to control themselves. The "Xenolings" were under its control, so it was possible for it to form an army in order to conquer the whole universe.
Next they followed it into the space shuttle. Arrived at the new planet there were no problems to fight against these inhabitants and won this war. The same thing happened to other planets and so the monster got a lot of power soon. Nothing or nobody seemed able to stop its evil plan. Slowly the "Xenolings" gave up all hope. Although they knew what they were doing, they couldn´t keep any resistance against the power of the invincible tentacles.
The creature was so convinced of its strength, that it attacked the most powerful planet, the "Earth". It was too late when the strange creature recognized that its tentacles didn´t have any influence on the "Earthlings". The "Earthlings" were intelligent enough to notice that the sovereign had absolutely evil intentions, so they decided to kill it and break the curse. It wasn´t as easy as they thought, but finally a woman called "Maike" was able to do the impossible. She cut down its tentacles and green slime was flowing out of it. The bad sovereign was defeated! The "Xenolings" were so thankful for the rescue, that a great friendship had developed between the planet "Schaible" and the "Earth"