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Story-englischverbesserung

Frage: Story-englischverbesserung
(5 Antworten)


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14
Huhu, könntet ihr bitte von dem Text das englisch verbessern, und die deutschen Sätze da ins englische übersetzten wäre echt toll! :)
The story had begun with the day; I came to a new School.
It was the first day in September.
2008
At first, I was in a boarding School; it was a very bad time for me there.
“Wow, who is that? Oh the ugly girl, haha”
“Oh my gosh, you don’t have new clothes?”
I heard these words every day, when I went through the great room, all students stood around me, they laughed about my clothes, about my style, about everything.
For me? It was ok for me, because I was used.
I never really thought about myself, … about my appearance.
My hairs were short, dark-brown, my clothes were unfashionable.
My clothes looked like boy-clothes. But it was ok. Why should I make myself beautiful?
“I think, the right guy love my character –like a “Cinderella Story”- I thought.
Yes, I just liked to read such Histories like a Cinderella Story.
They brought me to another world, to my own world.
In this world you don’t found pain and sorrow, it gaves every time a Happy end.
“Mh.. Whether it is form at some point even a happy end?”
(Ob es für mich irgendwann auch ein Happy End gibt?)
I asked me this question, everytime, als ich von meinem Fenster aus, in den Kalten Nachthimmel in Richtung Mond schaute.
I had a best friend, her name was Dana, she was really the best friend for me, because she accept me so how I am.
I had a dream, it was every time the same Dream, in this dream I saw a boy, the men of my dreams. His eyes beamed to me, the colour was a mixture from dark blue with light blue.
In his eyes I saw myself.
Naja, als ich ihr aufjedenfall von meinem Traum erzählte, meinte sie dass es nur ein Traum ist, ich sollte in die Realität zurückgehen, so schlimm sie manchmal sein kann.

I had never thought, that i can be so in love with a Boy, like in the boy, I should know soon.
Not only with an effort and I survived the time in boarding school.
(Nur mit mühe und Not überstand ich die Zeit im Internat.)
Frage von NikolaPeach (ehem. Mitglied) | am 18.06.2010 - 13:38


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2104		 Antwort von matata | 18.06.2010 - 13:45
Du musst wahrscheinlich ein bisschen Geduld haben, bis das Fussballspiel Deutschland-Serbien zu Ende ist....
Erst dann werden wieder mehr User on sein und etwas anderes verstehen als Schlaaand
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14		 Antwort von NikolaPeach (ehem. Mitglied) | 18.06.2010 - 14:25
Juhu, ja ich kan warten :DD
Aber du kannst mir doch auch helfen ^.^


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Beiträge 5739
78		 Antwort von brabbit | 18.06.2010 - 17:06
Zitat:
Schlaaand


Vorsicht mit dem Begriff!

http://register.dpma.de/DPMAregister/marke/register/305508865/DE

Der wurde von Raab patentiert ... Nicht, dass e-hausi eine Klage deswegen bekommt.
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14		 Antwort von algieba (ehem. Mitglied) | 18.06.2010 - 17:27
The story had begun with the day I came to a new school.
It was the first day in September, 2008
At first, I was in a boarding-school. It was a very bad time for me there.
“Wow, who is that? Oh the ugly girl, haha”
“Oh my gosh, don’t you have new clothes?”
I heard these words every day, when I went through the great room, all students stood around me, they laughed about my clothes, about my style, about everything.
For me? It was ok for me, because I was used to it.
I have never really thought about myself, … about my appearance.
My hair was short, dark-brown, my clothes were unfashionable.
My clothes looked like boy`s clothes. But it was ok. Why should I adorn myself?
“The right guy will love my character –like a “Cinderella story”, I thought.
Yes, I just liked to read such stories like "Cinderella".
They brought me to another world, to my own world.
In this world you don’t found pain and sorrow, every story has a happy ending.
“Mh.. If there will be a happy ending for me some day?", I wondered everytime, when I looked out of my window and saw the moon.
I had a best friend, her name was Dana, she was really the best friend for me, because she accepted me as I was.
I had a dream, it was every time the same dream. In this dream I saw a boy, the men of my dreams. His eyes shone at me, their colour was a mixture of dark blue and light blue.
In his eyes I saw myself.
When I told her of my dream she said that dreams are dreams and I should turn back to reality - even if it can be dreadful sometimes.

I had never thought (niemals ein Komma vor that, das wie dt. dass verwendet wird!) that I can be so in love with a boy as I was with the boy I should get to know soon.
I only just got through the time at boarding-school.

Wenn du Fragen zu den Veränderungen hast, nur zu. Ich habe leider jetzt keine Zeit mehr für Erläuterungen, liefere sie aber gerne später nach!

 
 Antwort von GAST | 18.06.2010 - 21:28
Ich hoff, algieba, du hast kein copyright für deine Korrektur erhalten; m.E. sind noch ei nige Nicklichkeiten im Text verblieben, die verbessert werden sollten: (

The story beganwith the day I came to that new school.
It was the first day in September, 2008
At first, (1)I was in a boarding-school. It was a very bad time for me there.
“Wow, who is that? Oh the ugly girl, haha”
“Oh my gosh, don’t you have any new clothes?”
I heard these words every day, when I was going (2) through the great room, all students stood (2)around me, they laughed (2) about my clothes, about my style, about everything.
For me? It was ok for me, because I had been (3)used to it.
I had (4) never really thought about myself, … about my appearance.
My hair was short, dark-brown, my clothes were unfashionable.
My clothes looked like boys` clothes. But it was ok. Why should I adorn myself?
“The right guy will love my character –like in a “Cinderella story”, I thought.
Yes, I just liked reading (5)such stories like "Cinderella".
They brought me to another world, to my own world.
In this world you didn`t feel pain and sorrow, every story had (6)a happy ending.
“Mh.. will there be (7)a happy ending for me some day?", I wondered every time when I looked out of my window and saw the moon.
I had a best friend, her name was Dana, she really was the best friend for me, because she accepted me as I was.
I had a dream, it was ... the same dream every time(8) In this dream I saw a boy, the manof my dreams. His eyes shone at me, their colour was a mixture of dark blue and light blue.
In his eyes I saw myself.
When I told her of my dream she said that dreams were (9) dreams and I should turn back to reality - even if it could (9) be dreadful sometimes.

I had never thought (niemals ein Komma vor that, das wie dt. dass verwendet wird!) that I could (9) be so in love with a boy as I was with the boy I should get to know soon.
I only had just to get through the time at boarding-school.

1) dieses !at first! verstehe ich hier nicht; mein Vorschlag: "I was at a boarding-school for the first time"
2) zwei parallele Hdlgen im past, daher eine ins past progressive; zur Dramtisierung würde ich auch die beiden folgenden simple forms in progressive forms (cf (2)) verwandeln
3) zustand, der schon in der vor.-Vergangenheit begann
4) Zeitenwechsel!
5) gerund bei gewohnheitsmäßiger Hdlg
6) falls diese Traumwelt noch besteht, wäre pres.t. gerechtfertigt; past ist hier aber stimmiger
7) hier: direct thought; bei reported thought wäre I wondered if ... angebracht
8) word order
9) Zeitenfolge in rep.speech

old-but-alert

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