Comment Korrigieren

Hallo Community,

Ich bräuchte dringend Hilfe.
Ich wollte fragen ob vielleicht mein comment inhaltlich gut ist ? Ich habe nicht auf Rechtschreibung geachtet dies werde ich noch im Nachhinein korrigieren ich wollte nur fragen ob dies inhaltlich gut ist.

Die Aufgabe ist Imagine you are the judge who has to decide whether ,,S“ should be allowed to return to school , still wearing the jilbab . Comment on your decision ; write from
A judge‘s perspective

Hier ist der link zu dem Text :

https://www.google.de/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/uk/2004/feb/13/race.schools

Und hier ist mein comment

Nowadays, many schools have a knitted clothing concept and at some schools you can wear whatever you want, but as soon as someone shows their religion strongly and comes to school with a headscarf or hiljab, it becomes a big issue. Should something be done about it now and can the children finally wear what they want, regardless of whether it is a headscarf or a hiljab everyone should wear what they want? and this is exactly the topic i want to deal with today, whether the girl s can go to school with a hiljab without being sent home, this includes the article `` Schoolgirl who put her faith before her education `` written by steven morris in the year 2004

first of all, they manage with forbidden things such as not being allowed to wear a hiljab or headgear creates new problems in school. Freedom of religion is a fundamental right and that is a good thing. A ban would also punish girls, such as girl "S" in this case, who only want to practice their religion. Instead of a ban, the schools should speak openly and neutrally about religion (s) so that everyone can can decide for themselves which religion they want to practice and everyone can dress as they want. that the teachers can decide or use a certain clothing concept would be a very bad decision ...

secondly , religion is not just a private matter, it is ubiquitous in everyday life. We are in the 21st century and we are a multi-religious society. Christians wear jewelry that is decorated with crosses, Buddhists hang Tibetan prayer flags clearly visible on their houses, church bells gently wake the residents from their sleep. But religion does not stop at the threshold of public buildings. People with different worldviews also work there. For many, crosses are normal there - why should a Muslim woman be forbidden to enter the classroom with a hiljab?

Third A ban also restricts the child`s freedom in the same way! After all, there are those who would definitely like to wear a headscarf or a hiljab - at least that way they have a choice in school, even if they shouldn`t have it at home. And as if that would promote better integration if it goes on like this and the school sends a student home every time because of their clothing, parents pull their children from school and send them to private schools, where they are allowed to wear their hiljab or kop scarf. but then integration gives way to separation. therefore, for example, the girl named s and other children should be able to decide for themselves how they enter the classroom. in school one should rather learn to be able to accept the religion and the decision of every child

on top of that, my client should be able to go to school normally with a hiljab without being sent home. live and let live and that is what the teachers and the students should know. one goes to school to learn something and to further educate oneself and not to be criticized for the style of clothing a headscarf in a religious symbol and that should be accepted on every child why should my client not be able to have a successful school life only because of her hiljab.