"violence in society" (Text zur vorbereitung aus abi

ich mache in 3 wochen mein abitur (Englisch LK) und habe als vorbereitung unter anderem diesen text hier geschrieben.
Ich hoffe jetzt hier vor allem feedback zu style und grammar zu bekommen (rechtschreibung is weniger wichtig) und eine ungefähre einschätzung (am besten auch in Notenpunkten), da ich mich selber mit einer einschätzung eher schwer tue.
Bitte keine beschönigung sonder einfach nur die wahrheit-ich vertrag das schon ;-D.

also los gehts:
hier meine zur vorbereitung gemachten stichpunkte, die aufgabenstellung sowie der Text ;-):
Übung englisch Abi: violence in society Abitur 2010 vorschlag C

aufg 3: “the end justifies the means.”
Discuss to what extent politically/religiously motivated violence can be considered a justified means to achieve one’s aims in society


Erste Ideensammlung:
-malcom X-> good aims (wanted to achieve equality,..) but bad, violent way to achieve it
in contrast to
-martin luther king-> same aim as malcom X but he tried to get it in a peaceful way (speech “I have a dream”, bus boycott, march on Washington, ect)
- MacBeth( Shakespeare): did everything to become king (even killed banquo & who used to be his friend)
- in general making war to get peace is contrary (Bushs war against terrorism after 9/11)
-most revolutions were violent but necessary to achieve changes (frensh revolution, war of independence, Am. Civil war, Arabic spring, ect.)
- london bus bombings; 9/11 (religiously motivated violence)
vs short story “Destination” by martin Forbes: in the end Chouki changed his opinion & left the bus, bec. All the dead people weren’t worth it
- dead of Osama bin Laden
(-utilitaristischen weltbild vs kant)

engültiger text:

Looking at the past, one can see how often violence is used to achieve somebodys aims.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that these people generally were cruel or ’evil’ ; it just means, that to their mind, ”the end justified the means”.
To answer the question wether there were or will be situations in which the result really justified the means used to achieve it, one should have a look at various people, movements and actions during history.
The greatest social changes were brought by revolution, which in most cases weren’t peaceful and harm, but violent and uncompromising. Nevertheless they were necessary to abolish inequality and oppression and therefore install freedom and justice.
Looking at the American civil war, everybody can clearly see the benefits it brought about. The abolishment of slavery also in the southern states was a meaningful period of American history and I would doubt that any American nowadays would day that this war, which causes many deads and which made people of the same nation fighting against eachother wasn’t justified or necessary.
On the other hand, Martin Luther King and his civil rights movement showed, that one can also achieve changes without using violence.
In his famous speech “I have a dream”, he appealed to either black and white people to stand up for equal rights and treatment of black people.
By organizing peaceful sit-ins and protest actions like eg. The bus boycott or the March on Washington, by which a huge number, including plenty of white colored people went to the white house, the senate and other important buildings to demand equality.
The fact that this movement finally succeeded, clearly shows, that one can also reach his or her aim without using violence means.
In addition to this, Malcom X, head of the co-occurring “Black power movement”, who made his wishes of more radical and violent actions clear, in his speech given after the March on Washington, later adopted Kings parcifistic philosophy of peaceful resistence.
Referring to another example of another country, one can mention the London bus bombings, which were religiously motivated suicide- bombings by islamists to spread the Shariah law, a view years ago.This was quite an extreme way of violence caused by fanatism. These people not only sacrified their victims, but also their own lifes for an aim, they never will experience themselves.
At this point Martin Forbes short story ‘Destination’ comes to my mind, in which the protagonist, Couki, was about to commit another bus bombing in England. While another guy riding the same bus offered him suspicion because of the former bus bombings, many people were defending him. Because of this positive behaviour of the other people towards him, he changes his mind and left the bus shortly before the bomb, he really had with him, exploded, since he realized that killing all these innocent people wasn’t worth it.
In the whole I would say, that one should avoid violence wherever this is possible. In most cases there is another, more peaceful way to achieve ones aims, even though this way might be a longer or slower one.
Nevertheless there are situations in which the social, political or personal injustice is that extreme, that such means are probably not justified, but at least understandable.
(546 wörter)

wie man vllt merkt bin ich während des schreibens ein bisschenn von meinem plan abgekommen und hab nicht alles mit eingebracht was mir eingefallen ist^^ ( es es hier besser wenigige Punkte ausführlich zu behandeln, oder hätte ich lieber noch mehr anreißen sollen?)

die Oberthemen fürs Abi diese Jahr sind übrigens USA, England/UK, Canada und Utopia/Dystopia

danke im Vorraus