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Frage: correction
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Hallo,
ich würde mich freuen wenn mir jemand bei meinem essay helfen könnte - es zu kontrollieren.

More and more students are taking a gap year before they start studying at the college.
After students finish their high school they have different kinds of possibilities to take a year off. Individuals who take a gap year have an opportunity to get a job, do volunteer work or travel to a foreign country. In the following essay, I will present advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year.

On the one hand, taking a gap year is a good option to spend your time usefully when you do not know what to do or study, yet. High-School graduates who do not get accepted immediately by their favourite university often take a gap year, for example. Moreover, you will get an better idea of what you would work or study in future. For instance, students who go abroad for one year decide to study the language of their visited country. Therefore, taking a year off also supports your applications in studies or work. For example, if you do an internship, you will gain experience that are necessary for your intended work. Furthermore, students have enough time to think about their coming year and perhaps change their intended goals into more ambitious goals. As a result they get more motivated to succeed their new purposes. During this time students improve their personal skills and learn more about themselves. Students who intended to work as a nurse could change their mind to work as a doctor, for example. For those who go abroad for one year have the chance to practice the language of the foreign country and to get to know with the culture and people of the country. For instance, students take their gap year in an English-speaking country in order to improve their English skills that they have acquired at school. During your gap year you will earn some money that you can save for the future. For example, if it is possible, students also do a side job.

On the other hand, students who start studying after their gap year often lose the sense of studying. Moreover, they find it difficult to study after a break of one year because students have to brush up their acquired school knowledge. For example, medical study is a kind of study that is just possible by passing a test related to the schools knowledge. Furthermore, students who take a year off are cheap labour and therefore often get abused by their employer. Students who do civilian work work the whole day but still are less paid. The changeover from school to work is hard for those who have never worked before. As a result they often have emotional stress that are caused by work pressure. Many of them are not able to accomplish the expectations of their employer, for example. After taking a year off it means that you spend one year wastefully. For instance, people realise after their gap year that it does not support their further goals as they thought before.

In conclusion taking a gap year is an option to spend your time and to have an idea of the work or study in future. It also gives you the opportunity to improve individual skills or gain expierence that can be beneficial for your applications. Moreover students get paid during their gap year unless they do volunteer work. Nevertheless, students are able to lose their sense of studying and have to brush up their knowledge of school. These people work as a cheap labour and often have problems which are result of sudden changeover from school to work. There are more advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year. That is why I am for a break of one year after high-school because within one year students gain the experience of life they need in their coming year as a student or apprentice. I personally took a gap year after my A level result and it helped me a lot to plan my studies although my civilian work does not relate to my studies in Business Administration. But I gained and improved my personal skills which lead me to a motivated and ambitious student that I am right now.
Frage von bombi (ehem. Mitglied) | am 08.01.2013 - 16:18


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Antwort von goldenoldie (ehem. Mitglied) | 08.01.2013 - 21:13
Zitat:
More and more students are taking a gap year before they start studying at [---]college. After students have finishedtheir high school they have different kinds of opportunities to take a year off. Individuals who take a gap year have an opportunity to get a job,
do volunteer work or travel to a foreign country. In the following essay, I will present the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year.

On the one hand, taking a gap year is a good option to spend your time usefully when you do not know what to do or study, yet. High-School graduates who have not been accepted immediately by their favourite university often take a gap year, for example. Moreover, you will get an better idea of what you could work or study in future. For instance, students who go abroad for one year decide to study the language of their visited country. Therefore, taking a year off also supports your applications in studies or work. For example, if you do an internship, you will gain experience that are necessary for your intended work. Furthermore, students have enough time to think about their coming year and perhaps will change their intended goals into more ambitious goals. As a result they will get more motivated to succeed in their new purposes?. During this time students improve their personal skills and learn more about themselves. Students who intended to work as a nurse could change their mind to work as a doctor, for example. Those who go abroad for one year have the chance of practicing the language of the foreign country and of getting to know [--] the culture and
the people of the country. For instance, students take their gap year in an English-speaking country in order to improve their English skills that they have acquired at school. During your gap year you will earn some money that you can save for the future. For example, if it is possible, students also do a side job.

On the other hand, students who start studying after their gap year often lose the sense of studying. Moreover, they find it difficult to study after a break of one year because they have to brush up their acquired school knowledge. For example, medical studies is a kind of study that is just possible by passing a test related to [--] schools knowledge. Furthermore, students who take a year off are cheap labour and therefore often get abused by their employers. Students who do civilian [--] work the whole day [--] are
paid less. The changeover from school to work is hard for those who have never worked before. As a result they often have emotional stress that is caused by work pressure. Many of them are not able to accomplish the expectations of their employers, for example. After taking a year off it means that you have spentone year wastefully. For instance, people realise after their gap year that it does not support their further goals as they have thought before.

In conclusion taking a gap year is an option to spend your time and to have an idea of the work or study in future. It also gives you the opportunity of improving individual skills or of gainingexpierence that can be beneficial for your applications. Moreover students get paid during their gap year unless they do volunteer work. Nevertheless, students are able to lose their sense of studying and have to brush up their school knowledge . These people work as a cheap labour and often have problems resulting in a sudden changeover from school to work. There are more advantages and than? disadvantages of taking a gap year. That is why I am for a break of one year after high-school because within one year students gain the experience of life they need in their coming year as a student or an apprentice. I personally took a gap year after my A level result and it helped me a lot to plan my studies although my civilian work does not relate to my studies in Business Administration. But I have gained and improved my personal skills which have lead me to
have become a motivated and ambitious student that I am right now.


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Antwort von algieba (ehem. Mitglied) | 08.01.2013 - 21:37
After students finish their high school they have different kinds of possibilities to take a year off. They [Ich denke nach den ersten zwei Sätzen hat der Leser verstanden, dass es um "Individuals who take a gap year geht"...] can take a job, do volunteer work or travel to a foreign country.

In the following essay: In einem Sammelband bezieht man sich mit dieser Formulierung auf den Essay, der nach dem eigenen folgt. Schreib bitte: "In this essay", dein Essay folgt nämlich nicht erst, sondern du bist bereits mittendrin.

when you do not know yet what to do or study

klein und ohne Bindestrich: high school

Moreover, you will get an better idea: Ich würde "you" als "man" vermeiden, sondern lieber "one" nehmen, das klingt nicht so ankumpelnd wie "you". Oder man formuliert gleich komplett um, weil eine one-Formulierung durchaus auch holprig klingen kann: It also contains the opportunity to improve individual skills or gain expierence that can be beneficial for applications

who do not get accepted immediately: Versuch, solche hochfrequenten Verb wie get zu vermeiden (da, wo es möglich ist). Hier kannst du einfach schreiben: who have not been accepted immediately (und hast dann auch gleich noch eine schlankere Formulierung).

experience that is
their goals: intended streichen wg. Wortwiederholung und weil man es ja auch so versteht
into more ambitious ones

Students who have intended to work

the English skills they have acquired at school: Relativpronomen kann weggelassen werden; wenn man die English skills noch erklärt (wie du es ja hier tust), ist "their" als Artikelwort zu definit (die Information ist quasi doppelt gemoppelt) und irritiert dadurch

For example, if it is possible, students also do a side job: Der Zusammenhang mit dem vorher Gesagten ist nicht klar.

schools knowledge: school

After taking a year off it means that you spend one year wastefully: Wieso danach? Und wieso "it means"?

which are the result of the sudden changeover

A-level: mit Bindestrich

which led me to become the motivated and ambitious student

Versuch mal, ein paar Relativsätze durch Formulierungen mit -ing zu ersetzen.

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