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Überprüfung meiner Charakterisierung

Frage: Überprüfung meiner Charakterisierung
(6 Antworten)


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13
Hallo, liebe com.

Wir müssen zu morgen ne Charakterisierung zu einer Kurzgeschichte schreiben.
Und die muss sehr gut werden.
Ich bin nicht so der english pro , aber ich habe mich mal rangewagt und bei raus kam folgendes :
Zitat:
Vicki Cooper is the main character in the short Story "The Examiner" by Paddy Salmon.
Vicky is 17 years old and she still goes to school.
Besides, she works in a pub nearby, to pay her driving license.
Vicky is a young lady, with shoulder-lenght hair, as you can see in the picture.
Vicky is alwas the unlucky one, you can read in line 4-5.
Nothing ever seemed to go right for her!
There seems to be one thing she can be at.
She drives very well, said vicki`s instructor in line 20-22.
Also her strict Examiner said , she would be able to become a famous racing driver [ l. 89-91 ].
She appears nervous before her Driving-test, as you can see in line 33-44 "When vicki arrived at the centre her heart sank." , because she got Mr Cowbody and he disklike pass young drivers.
In the story , vicki attend her Driving-test for which she trained long.
She takes her Driving-test up to the Point, she brake every rule in the test, because she drives a pregnant woman on the really quickest way to a hospital.
Because of this , the Examiner is angry at her, but he thinks , she can become a good racing driver.
Vicki is one of a young driver , that the Examiner don`t well-liked.
He is very strict towards yound drivers and seem to be annoyed, because vicki comes two minutes late, and brake nearly every rule.


Hoffe ihr koennt mir nen paar verbesserungstipps geben ^^
Frage von visse (ehem. Mitglied) | am 13.02.2011 - 14:31


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13		 Antwort von Sunnygirl182 (ehem. Mitglied) | 13.02.2011 - 14:33
Der zweite Satz ist auf jedenfall falsch!..

Man kann nicht sagen:

And she still go to school!


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13		 Antwort von Sunnygirl182 (ehem. Mitglied) | 13.02.2011 - 14:33
he, she, it - das s muss mit!


Das hat doch jeder mal gelernt!.. Auch im dritten Satz!


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13		 Antwort von visse (ehem. Mitglied) | 13.02.2011 - 14:34
ja habs voreilig abgeschickt
Habe die he she it , das S muss mit fehler korrigiert ^^

Oder stimmt da etwas mit der Formulierung nicht?


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13		 Antwort von Sunnygirl182 (ehem. Mitglied) | 13.02.2011 - 14:39
eig. stimmt das!

Würde aber lieber sagen:

Vicky is an 17-year old girl who is still going to school!

Klingt besser (:


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13		 Antwort von visse (ehem. Mitglied) | 13.02.2011 - 15:13
geaendert , danke dir ^^

 
 Antwort von GAST | 13.02.2011 - 16:28
An deinem Stil und der Schreibweise kann und will ich nichts ändern ,ich versuche nur mal die gröbsten Fehler zu korrigieren:

Zitat:
Vicki Cooper is the main character in the short Story "The Examiner" by Paddy Salmon.
Vicky is 17 years old and she still goes to school.
Besides, she works in a pub nearby, to pay for her driving license.
Vicky is a young lady, with shoulder-long hair, as you can see in the picture.
Vicky is always the unlucky one, you can read in line 4-5.
Nothing ever seems to go right for her!
There seems to be one thing she can be good at.
She drives very well, her instructor saysin lines 20-22.
Her strict examiner also says , she will be able to become a famous racing driver [ l. 89-91 ].
She appears nervous before her driving-test, as you can see in lines 33-44 "When vicki arrived at the centre her heart sank." , because she has got Mr Cowbody and he disklikes passing young drivers.
In the story , Vicki attends her driving-test for which she has trained for a long time.
She takes her driving-test ?up to the Poin?(1), she breaks every rule in the test, because she takes a pregnant woman on the really quickest way to a hospital.
Because of this , the examiner is angry at her, but he thinks , she can become a good racing driver.
(2)Vicki is one of the young drivers the examiner doesn`t like well.
He is very strict towards yound drivers and seems to be annoyed that Vicki comes two minutes late, and breaks nearly every rule.(2)


zu 1) : unverständlich?

zu 2) der Text zwischen (2)..... (2) muss von dir anders eingebaut werden.


Einen lieben Gruß an "sunnygirl": wenn man kein Englisch kann, dann kann man auch keine Fehler sehen. dann sollte man durch eine sehr oberflächliche Korrektur den Fragesteller nicht in Sicherheit wiegen.
Lass die Finger von Englisch!

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