Menu schließen

My Short Story

Frage: My Short Story
(1 Antwort)


Autor
Beiträge 1
0
Hallo,
könnt Ihr mir bitte helfen, meine Short Story grammatikalisch zu verbessern und Vorschläge geben, was ich an meiner Story ändern könnte.

Danke im Voraus!

Hi, i´m Hailey Smith and I´ll tell you my story.
It started all a few months ago, then i moved to Eastwood High for my Senior Year. It began all as i crossed my path with Aiden Lockwood, he rules the Eastwood High School and is the definition of a Greek God, Bad Boy, Player. Boys want to be him and Girls want s him. He loves football and is everytime surrounded by his best mates , which are also threated like Gods.
So on my first day of school, i went to my Locker, after i was introduced by the Principal to the Senior Year as a Newbie. Good, that my best friends , Casie and Izzy go to the same school. Then i went to my Locker and wanted to bring my heavy books there. Out of nowhere i boy ran into me and i dropped the books and fall. Another Boy came and asked if everything is fine. And then i saw him a muscular,handsome . I answered: „ I think!“
But then i wanted to stand up, i couldnt,my leg hurt so bad. He saw it and asked me „ Are you really fine? Because i don´t think so, let me carry you to the Nurse“. I didn´t say anything, because i didn´t know what so say and without saying a word, he carried me to the nurse. „ Thank you“ ,I said. „ I´m not kind to everyone“,he said. Mr.Lockwood what are you still doing here, you should be already in class, a teacher said. And then i heard his name :“So his name is Lockwood, i have to ask my friends about him, i thought.“ After the Nurse checked my leg and revealed what nothing is broken, it was lunch time. My friends run to me and asked what happened with my leg, because i had a bandage on. „ Long story short , a guy run into me,i fell,
and a boy brought me to the nurse, but she said thats nothing serious “, i told them. „ Oh, sorry we weren´t with you, do you know w ho the guy was ?“ Casie said in excitement . Which one do you mean?“ „the guy who brought you
to the nur se
, do you now his name“, she asked. „lockwood is his name i think.“,i answered. „Lockwood“,they both said frequenzly. „ Yes, but why are you so shocked?“
„ His name is Aiden, Aiden Lockwood and he is well you can say a literally Bad Boy, smokes, skips school and has a new girlfriend every week, he is nothing but trouble, you should better stay away from him. But lets change the topic, i got us invited to a party and everyone will be there. „ I dont know if i can.“ i said „ Haileyy, don´t be a buzzkiller, please you should come and maybe we can find you a boyfriend“. „Ok you persuaded me, then is the Party?“ „we will pick you up, be ready at nine and dress something nice“. After school, i went to my closet and looked for something to dress. Then i looked at the clock, it was already nine. I looked out of the window and saw my friends in the car and some dude. I ran downstairs and get into the car. „Hey,im hailey and you are?“ i asked the boy. „ I´m Casie´s Boyfriend“,he answered. I was shocked and asked Casie why she didn´t told me anything.“Brad, i wanted to tell it her today“. After we arrived at the party, i saw a huge House. Then we

get in to the house, everyone stared at me. „ Have i something on my face or why does everyone starring at me?““Everyone is just jealous of you, you are really hot tonight.“ As i walked down the stairs, i saw him,Aiden Lockwood,
hooking up with some blonde girl with a tight and much revealing dress, she was really beautiful.
As i saw them i asked Izzy, who the girl was.She answered: This is Britanny,
she is a bitch. I was kinda jealous, i don´t know why, it´s not like i´m
together with Aiden or so, but i dont know. After a while some drunken creep
came to me and wanted something from me. I t old him to stop! But he didn´t back ed of. My friends w eren ´t in the near, so i was alone. And then Aiden came and said him to back off.““ I didn´t know ned she is your s , im sorry Aiden.“, he said fearly and went off.
„ Thank you, Aiden“, i said.“ So you know my name and yet i have to know yours? „ I´m Hailey.“ Don´t dress like that again, you look to sexy in that dress“, he said. „ I can dress how i want!“,
i said confidently.He wispered in my ear :“ neither i could resist you any longer“ I blushed and said: „Are you flirting with me, you have a girlfriend, so
back of and go to her!“ „ Are you jealous?“, he smirked.“Not everything is just about you, i said and go. After some more drinks, i felt so dizzy that i could barelly stand. My friends were gone , and suddenly i passed out. After that i felt strong,muscular arms what carried me, this feeling was something familiar. In the next morning I woke up in someone´s bed and dressed off.
As i woke up, i couldn´t remember anything,my head was killing me.I asked myself where I am? In the next moment Aiden came in the bedroom. He said: „Ohh,you are awake?“. „Where i am and why i in someone bed“? „So you don´t remember that happened yesterday?“,Aiden asked. „No?“,she said. „You passed out yesterday,then i carried you in this room, i wanted to bring you home, but i don´t know where you live, than you puked at your clothes, i changed you and after that you tried to kiss me and said that i am attractive,
you drunk quite a lot.“ „I´m so sorry,its so embarrassing“.
Frage von Juliaveis | am 24.09.2020 - 21:19


Autor
Beiträge 2389
448
Antwort von Ratgeber | 24.09.2020 - 23:43
1. Anmerkung: Ich = I wird grundsätzlich groß geschrieben
2. Ich habe nur die Sätze mit Fehlern bearbeitet,
die anderen sind ok
3. Formulierungsvorschläge sind grün markiert.
  • Hi, I’m Hailey Smith and I’ll tell you my story.
  • Everything started as I crossed my path with Aiden Lockwood,...
  • The boys want to be like him and girls want s him.
  • He loves football ... who are also threated like Gods.
  • It’s good that my best friends, Casie and Izzy, go to the same school.
  • Then I went to my locker to put in my heavy books.
  • Out of nowhere a boy ran into me and I dropped the books and fell.
  • Another boy came and asked if everything was fine.
  • I answered: „ I think so!“
  • But as I wanted to stand up, I couldn’t, my leg hurt so bad.
  • He realized it and asked me: „ Are you really fine?... let me carry you to the nurse“.
  • I wasn’t able to say anything, …
  • “Mr . Lockwood, what are you still doing here, you should be already in class”, ...
  • And that’s how I heard his name: Lockwood. I will have to ask my friends about him, I thought.
  • After the nurse had checked my leg and revealed that nothing was broken, ...
  • „Long story short, a guy ran into me, I fell and a boy brought me to the nurse, ...
  • „Lockwood is his name I think“, I answered .
  • „Lockwood“, they both said frequently.
  • „His name is Aiden, Aiden Lockwood and he is - well you can say - a literally Bad Boy…
  • But let’s change the topic, I got us invited to a party and everyone will be there.
  • „I don’t know if I can”, I said.
  • „Hailey, don’t be a buzzkiller, please you should come and ... a boyfriend for you“.
  • „Ok you persuaded me, when is the party?“
  • .„We will pick you up, be ready at nine and put on something pretty“.
  • After school, I went to my cabinet (closet ist amerikanisches Englisch) …
  • At nine o’clock I looked out of the window and saw my friends in the car and some guys.
  • I ran downstairs and got into the car.
  • „Hey, I’m Hailey and you?“ I asked the boy.
  • I’m Casie’s boyfriend“, he answered.
  • I was shocked and asked Casie why she hadn’t told me anything.
  • After we arrived at the party, I saw a huge house.
  • Then we got in to the house, everyone stared at me.
  • „Do I have something on my face or why is everyone staring at me?“
  • … Aiden Lockwood, hooking up with some blonde girl in a tight…
  • I was kind of jealous, I don’t know why, it’s not like I’m together …
  • But he didn’t back off.
  • My friends weren’t in the nearby, so I was alone unless Aiden came and told him to back off.“
  • “I didn’t know she’s yours, I’m sorry Aiden“, he said anxiously and went off.
  • So you know my name and yet I have to know yours too? „ I’m Hailey.“ “Don’t dress like that again, you look too sexy in that dress“, he said. „ I can dress as I like!“, I said confidently.
  • I blushed and said: „Are you flirting with me, you have a girlfriend, so back off and go to her!“
  • „Are you jealous?“, he smirked. “Not everything is just about you, I said and left.
  • After some more drinks, I felt so dizzy that I could barely stand.
  • After that I felt strong, muscular arms which carried me, this feeling was something familiar.
  • In the next morning I woke up in someone’s bed and dressed off, but I couldn´t remember anything, my head was killing me, and I asked myself where I would be.
  • In the next moment Aiden came into the bedroom.
  • „No “, I replied. „You passed out yesterday, then I carried you in this room, I wanted to bring you home, but I don’t know where you live, than you puked all over your clothes, I changed them and after that you tried to kiss me and said that I am attractive, you drunk quite a lot.“ „I’m so sorry, it’s so embarrassing“.

Verstoß melden Antworten
Hast Du eine eigene Frage an unsere Englisch-Experten?

> Du befindest dich hier: Support-Forum - Englisch
ÄHNLICHE FRAGEN:
BELIEBTE DOWNLOADS: