Cartoon Analysis - Korrekturleser gesucht

Hallo,
kann bitte jemand meine Analyse durchschauen und Korrekturlesen?
Vielen Dank! Ich habe den Text hier schon einmal gepostet, aber da fehlte leider der Link zur Karikatur.
Die andere Frage werde ich dann auch löschen. https://ougaz.wordpress.com/2011/03/27/student-affairs-cartoon Ich denke aber, dass mein Hauptproblem bei der Grammatik und Wortwahl liegt, aber auch für jeden anderen Tipp bin ich dankbar.

The cartoon was published in 2010 on the internet by the cartoonist Ouellette.
It deals with the problem of the prospective human dependency on technical devices.

In the centre of the cartoon is a table with two men located. The left man appeals older based on his baldness and smart shirt and he holds a edition of the Tech Times – Newspaper in his hands. He pointing a critical finger to the young man and says to him: “ Heh. When I was in Collage,

we actually used our brains. That was before the “Brain” app of course...”. The second sitting man wears a cap and a sweater with a imprint. Furthermore, on his temple is a electrode which connects him with a tablet computer on the table. This shows a picture of a brain with the exclamation: “LOL.”. While the older man laughs about the fact, the younger one stares with wide eyes absent into space and seems to be electrified. Above the cartoon there is a caption saying: “ In the not so distant future...”.

The cartoon shows obvious the difference between the older and younger generation, how the cartoonist see us in a few years. The older man had “normal” school years without lots of technology, but for that he has to learn a lot, also with the help of specialist books. The younger man is the opposite to him. All his knowledge is on the computer and he can only recall it with this. Even his communication with other people is controlled about the computer. This knowledge he did not have to develop tedious and for a long time, but he gets it finished on a computer disk. He has to operate it only, possibly just with his thoughts. The computer takes a lot of work off which the older man has to do on his own. In contrast to the older man he appears not so full of life and energy, but rather absent. By computer he cannot express his feelings and reinforce them with facial expression and gestures.

The cartoonist points out the changes in society with his cartoon; some are already executed, some will follow. Technology occupies a much larger proportion of life and especially for the young generation is even now a daily routine without technology impossible. Technical devices undertake many tasks from various parts of life which one could settle previous without technology too. So Cleaning- and Fitness-Apps enjoying increasing popularity and these are just two of many examples. And the advancement proceeds with a rapid pace, as you can perceive at different products. Classical coffee grinders vanish from our life, instead take Pad-Machines their place. Also sophisticated tasks are assumed more and more by computers and the people count on their accuracy and validity. This “counting on technology” can be problematic, if the coding is buggy. Currently also the best computers are not able to replace a human complete because a human acts complexer. Since we committed more an more to technology, exists the risk of “becoming stultified” and unlearn skills. Instead of writing by hand the people only type; instead of searching in the library they start a search request on Google. Depending on the validity leads to a easily influenced society who can be manipulate because the questioning is missing. Another point is, that the computer is consulted in different situation, almost like a good friend. “Computer, what should I do?”, whether during love sickness or with symptoms of a disease as a diagnosis. Computer decide even nowadays on lots of things and learn also more and more to decide for us.

I myself see these changes critical because technology influence our life increasingly and this leverage will expand in future. Nevertheless the influence of technology has to be always controllable, so it does not get out of control. You cannot know exactly how technology enhances in the next years and decades. Therefore in my opinion the cartoon is suitable and meaningful because technology will undertake guaranteed a bigger part in our life in the next few years. Currently researchers search after a artificial brain and that will become a reality in 2024. Then the cartoon conform with reality.