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A short text. Teil 2.

Frage: A short text. Teil 2.
(3 Antworten)


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Hallöchen. Hier ist noch ein weiterer Text von mir, den ich als Hausaufagbe schreiben sollte. Könnte den mal jemand auf Fehler untersuchen? Danke im Vorraus.


In my opinion the sketch (Skizze) isn`t as well as is it can be. Because it shows that the relationship between mother and father is `hostile` but in the text you can`t see any serious disputes. So the word `hostile` is exaggerated. So i will suggest `friendly` or something like that. The relationship between father and child isn`t presented very correctly. Just because the two argue, the relationship isn`t `very close`, it`s exaggerated. I will say it is just `close` because in line 84 and 85 Jacky said `My classmates may be common but at least they care about me. More than he does!` The relationship between mother and child is presented corretly. It`s friendly. Mother and child understand each other well and the mother is talking even nice and lovely with her child (Line 8 and 9 )
Frage von C00LNESS | am 23.09.2010 - 15:47

 
Antwort von GAST | 23.09.2010 - 19:28
Zitat:
In my opinion the sketch (Skizze) isn`t as good as is it can be. Because it shows that the relationship between mother and father is `hostile` but in the text you can`t see any serious disputes. So the word `hostile` is exaggerated. So I [---] suggest `friendly` [---](1). The relationship between father and daughter isn`t presented very correctly. Just because the two argue,
the relationship isn`t `very close`, it`s exaggerated. I want to say it is just `close` because in line 84 and 85 Jacky says `My classmates may be common but at least they care about me. More than he does!` The relationship between mother and daughter is presented correctly. It`s friendly. Mother and daughter understand each other well and the mother is even talking nicely and lovingly with her daughter (Line 8 and 9 )


1) never, never write "and so on" or "something like that": if you know more, write it down, if you don`t know more, don`t pretend by saying "and so on".

old-but-alert


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Antwort von C00LNESS | 24.09.2010 - 06:40
Thank you very much. :)

 
Antwort von GAST | 24.09.2010 - 13:00
Sorry - there is still a mistake in my corrected text:
Zitat:
the two argue
- that is a typical German way of saying things; the English say "Both of them argue ..."


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