englisch berichtigung - american dream

ich bräuchte dringend hilfe in englisch. undzwar muss ich eine berichtigung einer aufgabe aus meiner klausur schreiben. nicht nur die fehler berichtigen, denn die hat er ja angestrichen, sondern einen neuen text verfassen...


die aufgabe war: outline some of the aspects that definde the american dream

in my opinion an exact definition of the american dream doesn´t exist. the american dream says you can start a new life "from rags to riches". it stands for freedom and equal rights. you can have a great incentive to start something new and be successful and also you can have a new and better society. the american way of life is superior to any other but not everybody has the chance of success. of course everyone can try to get to the top, but it isn´t possible for all people. america is "the land of the free" but often money and high standart of living is more important than friends, family and other things. people who work hard but still lose grounds are angry and blame themselves if they don´t get success.
for me the american dream is not only based on the phrase "from rags to riches". it is the will to get rich, become successful and popular. also it´s the right to be free in personal and religious ways, to do what everyone want on his own. and for this rights and aims you have to fight and work. than everyone with a little qualification can fulfill his own american dream.


mein lehrer schrieb dazu " more explanation, do you believe this yourself?, you need to supply examples and explanations for your points"
in der bewertung schrieb er noch " you name a series of important aspects of the american dream, but you are focusing too much on its negative aspects. you don´t explain the dream´s positive effects and results in any detail, that´s a pity.


leider weiß ich nun nicht was ich noch dazu schreiben soll.... mir fallen keine positiven dinge ein... könnte mir bitte jemand dabei helfen?