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Korrekturlesen eines englischen Textes

Frage: Korrekturlesen eines englischen Textes
(4 Antworten)

 
Ich habe in Englisch eine Text zu schreiben aufbekommen! Wer kann mir den bitte mal Korrektur lesen und mir sagen, was ich falsch gemacht habe, oder mir die Wörter verbessern?
Der Text: Kai`s Diary
When Kate arrived at the station I shaked her hand and said: `Hi! How are you?` She answered : ` I`m fine, and you?` I wondered why she gave me so a short answer.
I told her about my day up to now and that I`m really hungry. Then we drove home by bus and I told her that we have in Germany the right-hand driving (Rechtsverkehr?) and that it are five kilometres to my hose. But she didn`t understand, because they count in miles and I had to commute kilometres in miles ( thus(also?) three miles).Then we had brekfast, but Kate didn`t like or German food and she ate only Cornflakes. At 12 o`clock we had lunch. Between 4 o`clock and 5 o`clock Kate asked me if we could drink black tea, because in England was tea time now. I said that I only drink tea if I am ill, because I hate tea and I just like to drink coffee.After a short discussion she said, that she understood my point of view. Suddenly Kate fell downstairs and on her knee was a lot of blood. I desinfected her trauma and made a bandage around her knee.`What was happen? Are you okay?`, I asked her. And she answered: `Yes, I`m okay! I`m fine!` She didn`t know, that the Germans say the truth. I desinfected her trauma and made a bandage around her knee.In the evening we had dinner and I hustled (schubsen?) Kate by misstake. She said `sorry` and I said it too. That seemed funny to me.
GAST stellte diese Frage am 28.08.2007 - 13:05

 
 Antwort von GAST | 28.08.2007 - 13:33
Der Text: Kai`s Diary
When Kate arrived at the station I SHOOK her hand and said: `Hi! How are you?` She answered : ` I`m fine, and you?` I wondered why she gave me SUCH a short answer.
I told her about my day up to now and that I WAS really hungry. Then we drove home by bus and I told her that we HAD in Germany the right-hand driving (Rechtsverkehr?) and that it WERE five kilometres to my HOUSE. But she didn`t understand, because they count in miles and I had to commute kilometres in miles ( thus(also?) three miles).Then we had BREAKFAST, but Kate didn`t like or German food and she ate only Cornflakes. At 12 o`clock we had lunch. Between 4 o`clock and 5 o`clock Kate asked me if we could drink black tea, because in England was tea time now. I said that I only drink tea if I am ill, because I hate tea and I just like to drink coffee.After a short discussion she said, that she understood my point of view. Suddenly Kate fell downstairs (?) and on her knee was a lot of blood. I desinfected her trauma (besser injury) and made a bandage around her knee.`What HAPPENED? Are you okay?`, I asked her. And she answered: `Yes, I`m okay! I`m fine!` She didn`t know, that the Germans say the truth. (Was hat das damit zu tun, dass sie fällt?)In the evening we had dinner and I hustled (schubsen?) Kate by MISTAKE. She said `sorry` and I said it too. That seemed funny to me.

...hab jetzt ein paar zeit- und rechtschreibfehler verbessert,aber ich finde, der text hört sich nicht wirklich wie ein tagebuch eintrag an! ich würde vllt ein bisschen seine gefühle/gedanken mehr mit reinbringen, dann würde ich vllt auch einige sätze verkürzen, ist ja bei tagebüchern oft so, dass man die sätze nicht wirklich vollständig schreibt, weil es ja spontane gedanken sind...oder dass er sich selbst fragen stellt oder was weiß ich, auf jeden fall das ganze etwas lockerer gestalten^^ außerdem hab ich nicht verstanden, warum sie hinfällt und wovon sie fällt und so^^

 
 Antwort von GAST | 28.08.2007 - 13:34
oh mein gott.. kurz durchgegangen..
When Kate arrived at the station I shook her hand and said: `Hi! How are you?` She answered : ` I`m fine, and you?` I wondered why her handclasp was so short. Then we took the bus to get home, i showed her the right hand traffic in germany and that my home is 5 kilometers away. But she didn`t understand, because they count in miles and I had to commute kilometres in miles (so 5 kilometers are three miles).Then we had breakfast, but Kate didn`t like German food and she ate only Cornflakes. At 12 o`clock we had lunch. Between 4 and 5 o`clock Kate asked me if we could drink black tea, because in England was tea time now. I said that I only drink tea when I`m ill, because I hate tea and the only think I like to drink is coffe. After a short discussion she said, that she understood my point of view. Suddenly Kate fell downstairs - on her knee was a lot of blood. I desinfected her wound and tied a bandage around her knee.`What`s happen? Are you okay?`, I asked her. And she answered: `Yes, I`m okay! I`m fine!` She didn`t know, that the Germans say the truth. In the evening we had dinner and I dug Kate by mistake. She said `sorry` and I said it too. That seemed funny to me.


ich hätts komplet t anders geschrieben der satzaufbau is ziemlich schlecht meiner meinung nach.. und du hättets weniger and und mehr punkte und bestriche setzen sollen, mehr kürzere sätze statt so eine gewurschtle... aber ich besser das jetzt nicht aus.. hab nur schnell rübergeguggt...

 
 Antwort von GAST | 28.08.2007 - 13:37
was ir noch auffällt... der satz and her knee was a lot of blood.. ich würd den nich so stehen lsasen..
ich würd da eher..
"She fell downstairs - her knee was overcome by blood" oder sonstwas hinschreiben

 
 Antwort von GAST | 28.08.2007 - 16:43
Danke für eure Tipps! Ich werd den Text auf jeden Fall noch ändern...

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