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Überprüfung meiner Rechtschreibung :)

Frage: Überprüfung meiner Rechtschreibung :)
(11 Antworten)

 
Hallo zusammen...
Ich wollte fragen ob hier jemand meinen Text auf Fehlern untersuchen kann.
Da ich Englisch nich so gerne mag und ich auch nicht so begabt darin bin wollte ich meinen Text einmal kontrollieren lassen.. Ich bedanke mich schon mal im voraus.

Text: Hänsel und Gretel aus der Perspektive der Hexe


I thought one day, I needed again a child to eat.
I baked the whole one, gingerbread and put it on my house.
The smell of the gingerbread passed through the complete forest.
I heard something rustling at my little house. I waited and looked.
I called:” Knusper Knusper Knäuschen who knuspert at my little house?!”
No answer.... I called once again.
All at once a mild voice came and answered: “The wind the wind the heavenly child!”
In front of my house stood two young childs. I asked them to come in. I was very friendly, so I offered to them to eat something and drinks something.
I made 2 beds available for them - They was ready to slept by me, they lay in the beds and they slept as soon as possible.
In the night, I wake up Hänsel and carried him into my old stall and locked up him there. After that I wake up Gretel.
Gretel should cook good for Hänsel, so that he grows and thrives!
I said to Gretel:” If he is fat I will eat him!”
I looked at her. She was so astonished that she started bitterly to cry.
Every morning, I looked at Hänsel and said to him: "Hänsel puts your fingers out, I want to feel whether you became fat. “ But he was so thinly, that I doesn`t believe it.
After 4 weeks Hänsel become very thinly, than I decided, that I didn`t want to wait longer. Therefore, I said to Gretel:” Hänsel can be fat or lean, tomorrow I want to kill and cook him . In the next morning, I sent Gretel away to put water in a big cokking pot and to turn on the fire.
Before I wanted to prepare Hänsel, I still baked a bread.
I sent Gretel to the oven, because she should look whether the oven is hot enough to bake the bread.
Gretel come back and said, that she don´t know how she should make it.
I insulted her and considered myselves whether the right temperature.
Suddenly, I got a push and fell into the oven.
Gretel closed the door and I burned bitterly. End...
GAST stellte diese Frage am 24.04.2008 - 19:20


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Antwort von matata | 24.04.2008 - 21:52
Fehler?

- Rechtschreibung
- Grammatik
- Satzbildung
- Wortwahl
.
.
.
________________________
 e-Hausaufgaben.de - Team


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Antwort von Double-T | 24.04.2008 - 21:54
Matatas gehört verwarnt wegen Spam.

X-Traz, diese vielen "I"s am Satzanfang sind äußerst unangenehm zu lesen. Bist du in der Lage, das umzuschreiben?

 
Antwort von GAST | 24.04.2008 - 22:04
Ich glaub , da isses mit einfacher rechtschreibüberprüfung nich getan , das Problem sind vor allem Satzbau und grammatik

 
Antwort von GAST | 25.04.2008 - 06:37
Nein ich schaff es nicht das umzuändern... Ich hab es schon ein paar mal versucht aber dann hört es sich noch komischer an... könnte nicht jemand den Text so umschreiben das er passt..oder mir meine "Fehler" sagen was ich umzuändern habe..(Am besten mit einem Beispiel)

 
Antwort von GAST | 28.04.2008 - 18:55
Könnte das denn sich jez evtl. jemand angucken, da ich das Montag abegeben muss und es benotet wird ....X-TraZZ

 
Antwort von GAST | 28.04.2008 - 19:07
One day I thought, that i needed a child to eat.
First I baked a gingerbread an put it on my house. [..] Suddenly I heard... I waited and looked. Then I called......
I asked them very friendly to come in and offered to them to eat[..]


hab jz nur mal versucht, deine "I" zu verhindern..

 
Antwort von GAST | 28.04.2008 - 19:09
Eigne dir mal sogenannte "connectors" an. Auf Deutsch : Satzkonjunktionen


Findest hier ein paar Beispiele : http://www.kico4u.de/forum/thread.php?threadid=3898

Ansonsten musst du deine Fehler selber verbessern, sonst lernst du nichts und machst beim nächsten Text die gleichen mistakes.


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Antwort von 5xXxXx5 (ehem. Mitglied) | 28.04.2008 - 19:15
I thought one day, I need a child to eat again.
I baked the whole one, gingerbread and put it on my house.
The smell of the gingerbread passed through the complete forest.
However I heard something rustling at my little house. I waited and looked.
I called:” Knusper Knusper Knäuschen who knuspert at my little house?!”
No answer.... I called once again.
Suddenly a mild voice came and answered: “The wind, the wind, the heavenly child!”
In front of my house stood two young children. I asked them to come in. Because I am very friendly, so I offered them something to eat and drink.
I made two beds available for them - They were ready to slep by me. When they lie in the beds they slept as soon as possible.
In the night I woke up Hänsel and carried him into my old stall and locked him up there. After that I woke up Gretel.
Gretel should cook good for Hänsel, so that he grows and thrives!
I said to Gretel:” If he is fat I will eat him!”
I looked at her. She was so astonished that she started bitterly to cry.
Every morning I have looked at Hänsel and said to him: "Hänsel put your fingers out, I want to feel whether you became fat. “ But he was so thinly, that I doesn`t believe it.
After four weeks Hänsel has became very thinly, so I decided that I didn`t want to wait longer. Therefore, I said to Gretel:” Hänsel can be fat or lean, but tomorrow I want to kill and cook him." At the next morning I sent Gretel away to put water in a big cooking pot and to turn on the fire.
Before I wanted to prepare Hänsel I still baked a bread.
I sent Gretel to the oven because she should look whether the oven is hot enough to bake the bread.
Gretel come back and said she don´t know how she should make it.
I insulted her and considered myself whether the right temperature.
Suddenly I had been got a push and felt into the oven.
Gretel closed the door and I burned bitterly. End...


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Antwort von buesra_91 (ehem. Mitglied) | 28.04.2008 - 19:34
One day I thought, that I needed a child to eat again.
First I baked a gingerbread an put it on my house.
The smell of the gingerbread passed through the whole forest.
Suddenly I heard something rustling at my little house.
First I waited and looked around,
then I called:” Knusper Knusper Knäuschen who knuspert at my little house?!”
No answer.... I called once again.
All at once a mild voice came and answered: “The wind the wind the heavenly child!”
There were two little children in front of my house. I asked them very friendly to come in and offered to them eat and drink.
I gave them two beds , to make them overnight at my house and they slept as soon as possible.
I woke up Hänsel, at night.. and carried him to my little stall, where I looked him up. After that I woke up Gretel and
told her to cook for Hänsel, so that he grows and increases.Moreover I told her :"If he is fat I will eat him!”
I looked at her and saw , that she was very shocked and began bitterly to cry.
Each morning I looked after Hänsel and commanded : "Hänsel put your fingers out, I want to feel whether you became fat. “ But he was so thin, that I didn`t believe it.
After 4 weeks Hänsel become very thin and I decided not to wait longer.
Therefore, I said to Gretel:” Hänsel can be fat or lean, tomorrow I want to kill and cook him .
The next morning, I sent Gretel away to put water in a big cooking pot and to turn on the fire.
Before preparing Hänsel, I was still cooking bread in the oven.
I sent Gretel to it, to look whether the oven is hot enough to bake the bread.
Gretel came back and told me, that she doesn´t know how to do it.
I insulted her and did it on my own.
Suddenly, I got a push and fell into the oven.
Gretel closed the door and I burned bitterly. End...

 
Antwort von GAST | 29.04.2008 - 22:03
Super.. danke ihr habt mir sehr geholfen!


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Antwort von 5xXxXx5 (ehem. Mitglied) | 29.04.2008 - 22:17
versuche mal anstatt immer "I" am satzanfang auch mal solche wörter wie: ought- sollte, therefore-deshalb, in general-im allgemeinen, trotz dass- in spite of, moreover-außerdem, however-zudem, owing to-in folge, whereas-wohingegen, on the whole-im ganzen, since-da/ weil ....

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