English Report; Korrektur

Hallo erstmals!

Um gleich auf den Punkt zu kommen, wollte ich fragen bzw euch bitten, dass einige von euch meinen Englisch Text korrigieren, da ich bald eine Schularbeit hätte und ich nicht so einfach einen Nachhilfe Lehrer gefunden habe.
Um eine 1 in dieses Semester zu kriegen, müsste ich zu dieser Schularbeit eine 1 schaffen. Ich hoffe, dass einige von euch meinen Text verbessern können, kürzen und vlt einige neue und gute Vokabeln einsetzen könnt. Ich weiß, dass dies ein bisschen zu viel verlangt ist, aber ich hoffe ihr könnt mir helfen :)

Der folgende Text ist bitte zu verbessern :) :

From: (Name wird hier nicht angegeben)
To: Principle (Name wird hier nicht angegeben)
Date: 18^th April
Subject: TV addiction among students
Instruction
Our Headmaster (Name wird nicht hier angegeben) asked me to write a report about the TV addiction among students at our school. That’s why I acquired a survey and asked some students a few questions. In this following report I will analyze the cautious and the obsession about television.
Today’s Youth
Nowadays kids and teenagers are obsessed with mobile phones, TV and other electronic equipment. To test how dependent these things are for their recreational I did a survey. Four of Five teenagers do have a television. Everyone who has a TV watches regularly more than two hours a day. None of them argue with other family members what to watch because they have a TV in their own room. I asked if they would like to live without a tube for one week. Everyone said that they could but they wouldn’t. Instead of watching TV they are on their mobile phones, watching YouTube videos or watch the newest episode of their favourite series. Others also have hobbies for example they paint, play instruments, etc.

Whose fault is it?
I think we shouldn’t only blame the kids. Some parents aren’t really interested to their own children or they think that their children should only focus on school. That’s why they don’t let them join a club or a league. Instead of listening to their own children or to learn more about their interests, they concentrate either to their marks in school or buy them new things to get them happy.
Recommendation and Conclusion
All in all I can say without doubt that some of them watch too much television. I think that we should blame the parents. There are parents who wouldn’t let their children join a club. That’s why they don’t have anything to do except spending their time on the internet.

Ich hoffe einige von euch könnten ihn mir kürzen, da es sehr viele Wörter sind :/ Hilfe ist dringend benötigt und ich hoffe, dass einige mir helfen können :)

Liebe Grüße Nabsi_Babsi