Englisch Text korrigieren bitte!

"The" is ein wenig überflüssig. Er betrat eine Bar mit einem Fremden und befragte ihn? Oder meinst du, dass er einen Fremden in der Bar gefragt hat?


Detective Montag entered the bar with a foreign and asked: ,, What did you do yesterday between 9 to 10 O`clock ?
The foreign answered: ,,As the murder happened, I sat in the bar and played cards with Mr. Doodle."
,,Did anyone else see you?" The detective wanted to know. ,,While we were playing cards, a young man observed us, who stood at the counter the whole time."
The detective was slowly getting nervous. Finally, he thought for a moment and then "he - überflüssig" asked the foreign ,,What did the man in the moment, when you entered the bar ?"
When I saw him for the first time, he stood in the corner and spoke "quietly?" to the waiters."
Montag seemed very surprised, when he heard it. While he was talking to the foreign, he heard that Mr. Doodle spoke to the waiter.
Montag didn`t understand, what they were talking about. While he was still trying to understand the two, inspector Datsom came in/entered the bar/ arrived (on the scene).

When he saw, what happened at the bar, he humied to detective Montag. Was willst du hier sagen?

He gave him a piece of paper and the foreign directly realized the situation. While he stared at the paper, the foreign thought, how to escape from the bar. When he suddenly ran to the door, he was arrested by the two polices, who were waiting outside.

Zitat:
Detective Montag entered the bar with a foreigner and asked, "What did you do yesterday between 9 to 10 o`clock ?
The foreigner answered, "Whenthe murder happened, I was sitting in the bar playing cards with Mr. Doodle."
"Did anyone else see you?" the detective wanted to know. "While we were playing cards, a young man observed us who was standing at the counter all the time."
The detective was slowly getting nervous. Finally, he thought for a moment and then he asked the foreigner, "What was the man doing in the moment, when you entered the bar ?"
"When I saw him for the first time, he was standing in the corner and was quietly speaking to the waiters."
Montag seemed very surprised, when he heard this. While he was talking to the foreigner, he heard that Mr. Doodle was speaking to the waiter.
Montag didn`t understand, what they were talking about. While he was still trying to understand the two persons, inspector Datsom came in/entered the bar/ arrived (on the scene).

beachte; Satzzeichen bei der wörtlichen Rede: , " [he asked (Komma Leertaste Anführungszeichen oben)].