Englisch text korrigieren

haLLooo
ich muss für morgen ein paragraph schreiben udn habe jetzt in aller eile etwas geschrieben.
es wäre sehr nett wenn ihr dies einmal durchlesen könnt und einfach fehler bemerken könntet etc. eine weitere frage: ich hatte eigentlich keien ahnung wie ein paragraph stylistisch aussehen muss....
gibt es auch evt dazu noch hilfreiche ergänzungen?..

herzlichen dank im voraus!

“Computer games - a complete waste of time and money.”
Agree or disagree

I think there are three main points why computer games signify a complete waste of time and money. The most important reason why everybody should pay attention on the previous statement is in my opinion the possible negative consequences on our personal health that computer games could have. In the rest of this paragraph I want to show how computer games could cause especially healthy and social problems in our live and why they are therefore a waste of time and money.
First, computer games are games you play logically with your computer, at home in a sticky room. You have not to go outside to play it. The difference for instance to play football is mainly that a passionate gamer stays his whole weekend at home before his computer. He never leaves the house. On this way he spend no time at the fresh air he often put on weight because he doesn’t move. It is very common that beyond the screen there is a cup of chips. This means extra calories but no extra movement. At the beginning this doesn’t matter so much but after some time you’ll notice it. The danger of gaining weight is the second reason why you could spend your money and time better. Finally the third reason has more to do with the gamers’ social life. If a person always plays computer games he’ll lose his social abilities, because in this sort of game you have not a real contact with your enemies or even just with your fellow men. Usually you game on your own and the maximal contact you have is the contact through the internet with your enemies (if you together with other people) but the most part of the time everybody games on his own. The consequences are that you lose the contact to your friends. After some time you are not any longer used to talk and get on with other people, other opinions and you will have problems to readjust you to get on with these original things.
In conclusion I would say that it is very important to show already our children, during their childhood the right association with these media. Otherwise it’s possible that they’ll have big problems to deal them. A possible consequence could be that they will be very egoistic and asocial, just because they are not accustomed to get along with other people and other opinions. These difficulties maybe exist only because if a person spend much time along before the computer he forget how it is to share something or to be considerate. Another important point is that everybody should over think his own use of the internet. Then possibly if he continues with gaming etc he’ll have health problems someday.