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bitte einmal durchlesen ich bin nicht sehr gut in englisch aber ich hab es mal versucht...


Child labour in the cotton industry

In the south of Indian work the children’s on the cotton plantations, from morning to night.
They have work 7-12 hours on the cotton field.
They work every day and get their daily wages for ca. 0,40 Euro.
Children are sent by their families on the field.
The families who they don´t have a own land, they work as day laborers on the plantations of the farmers.
If the parents of the child´s borrow money from the peasants, then the children must work on that wage.
The girls are more desired because they working as clever in the field.
There are children from other village’s works in the field, these children´s are in shelters, where it there cold is and there is not warm and clean water.
The life in this areas are very difficult, the girls have it wvwn more difficult because they are raped by the farmers.
The children suffer greatly.
The accommodations of the children are 6-7 km away from the job, after work they will have driven with a trailer with a tractor to the accommodation or place work.
When you produce cotton you must first remove the cover and flower leaves to the seed, after which one has to be changed, so it creates a crossing of the plants.
Then they are planted and harvested. The children´s have to perform this operation with his hands.
After the cotton is ready they harvested and collected in cotton bales.
These are carried on the backs of the children to collection points. From there they are transported by a van and driven to the factory.
Before all this is done, the plants are sprayed with pesticide´s this is a pant protection product.
The children spray the plant without gloves and mouth guard, they wear the clothes with which they sleep.
These chemicals come to skin rashes, pneumonia or some suffering from shortness of breath.
You can´t leave well treated by the doctors because they don´t have enough money.
Some is deserves money directly to parents and the children have none of it.
150.000 children are dying annually from the oil.
GAST stellte diese Frage am 04.12.2010 - 12:55


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3		 Antwort von Geissbock | 05.12.2010 - 06:43
Hab versucht, den Text soweit wie möglich so zu lassen wie du ihn geschrieben hast ... keine Ahnung ob ich alles so richtig verstanden habe, was du sagen wolltest.



Child labour in the cotton industry

In South India children work on cotton plantations all day long. They have to work 7-12 hours on the cotton field every day and get daily wages of about 0,40 Euro.
Children are sent to the fields by their families.
The families who don´t own land need to work as day laborers on the plantations of the farmers.
If the child`s parents borrow money from peasants, children have to work on that wage.
The girls are even more desired to work on the fields because the way they work is smarter.
There are children from other villages who work on the fields; these children are in shelters where it is cold and where no warm and clean water is.
Life in these areas is very difficult, the girls have it even more difficult because they are raped by the farmers.
The children suffer greatly.
The accommodations of the children are 6-7 km away from the place they work. A tractor takes them to their accommodation or work place.
When you produce cotton you have to remove the cover and flower leaves off the seed. After that they can be planted and harvested. The children have to perform this operation with their bare hands.
After the cotton is ready they harvest and collect everything in cotton bales.
These bales are carried on the children`s backs and brought to collection points. From there they are transported by a van and taken to the factory.
Before all this is done, the plants are sprayed with pesticides, which is a plant protection product.
The children spray the plant without wearing gloves or a mouth guard, they only wear the clothes in which they sleep.
These chemicals can go directly onto the skin which leads to pneumonia or suffering from shortness of breath.
Doctors aren`t able to treat their patients effectively because they don´t have enough money.
150.000 children are dying annually from the oil.

 
 Antwort von GAST | 05.12.2010 - 12:01
Zitat:
In South India children work on cotton plantations all day long. They have to work 7-12 hours on the cotton field every day and get daily wages of about 0,40 Euro.
Children are sent to the fields by their families.
The families who don´t own land need to work as day laborers on the plantations of the farmers.
If the child`s parents borrow money from peasants, children have to work on that wage.
The girls are even more desired [...than...]to work on the fields because the way they work is smarter.
There are children from other villages who work on the fields; these children are in shelters where it is cold and where no warm and clean water is.
Life in these areas is very difficult, the girls have it even more difficult because they are raped by the farmers.
The children suffer greatly.
The accommodations of the children are 6-7 km away from the place they work. A tractor takes them to their accommodation or work place.
When you produce cotton you have to remove the cover and flower leaves off the seed. After that they? can be planted and harvested. The children have to perform this operation with their bare hands.
After the cotton is ready they harvest and collect everything? in cotton bales.
These bales are carried on the children`s backs and brought to collection points. From there they? are transported by a van and taken to the factory.
Before all this? is done, the plants are sprayed with pesticides, which is a plant protection product.
The children spray the plant without wearing gloves or a mouth guard, they only wear the clothes in which they sleep.
These chemicals can go directly onto the skin which leads to pneumonia or suffering from shortness of breath.
Doctors aren`t able to treat their patients effectively because they? don´t have enough money.
150.000 children are dying! annually from the oil?.


Aus älteren threads von dir weiß ich., dass dieser Auszug Teil einer Facharbeit sein soll.
Wenn ich diese deine Arbeit - in der Korrektur von "Geissbock" - in die Liste der von mir inzwischen bewerteten ca 100 Facharbeiten in Englisch (Jg.12 Gymnasium) einreihe, bliebe der vorletzte Platz.
Sprachlich höchstens untere Mittelstufe; eine Aneinanderreihung von häufig beziehungslosen Aussagen in einer völlig nichtssagenden Diktion: die häufigen "this" oder "that" oder "they" belegen dieses.
In anderen Beiträgen wurde dir schon geraten, die Aussagen zu substanzieren, indem du mehr Zahlen bringst, Zitate einfügst und ein höheres Sprachniveau einhältst - nur einmal haust du so ein anspruchsvolles Wort wie "accomodation" raus -was aber als einziges nicht zu der schwachen Sprachebene passt.

meine Korrekturhinweise: fett: hier liegen Grammatik-/Wortfehler vor; schräg: Ausdruck-/Beziehungsfehler.


old-but-alert

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