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Verbesserung Summary Slumdog..

Frage: Verbesserung Summary Slumdog..
(5 Antworten)

 
Was und Wie kann ich kürzen?

In the chapter License to kill Thomas Ram has a reunion with Salim after five years.
At the beginning of the chapter Salim tells Ram that his aim is being an actor so he does acting classes which are paid by Abbas Rizvi a famous film producer.
After that Salim tells Ram the whole story from the beginning. He tells Ram that one day on his job as a delivery boy he goes to a family where are a lot of pictures of a man who is called Mr.Rawal. He refers him to Mr. Pappu. Salim is told that he needs photos. So he buys a camera and takes some pictures. On the way he was attacked by a man and so he jumped into a bus. Shortly after he gets into the bus some hindus ruffians who are heavily armed want to kill all Muslims. While this offense a man takes out his gun and menaces the men. Quickly they leave the bus and after that action the man whose name is Ahmed Khan introduces himself to Salim and asks him for helping him for the housework. Salim agrees. After a few days Mr. Khan gets a lot of envelops which Salim isn’t allowed to open but he does. Inside that he sees photos of men and their addresses. On the evening Salim watches a Crime News Show, where these men are shown and they got killed by Ahmed. One time he gets a packet with a picture of Abbas Rizvi. So Salim changes the picture and address, and Khan kills the wrong guy. At the end Khan is killed by the police.


Vielen Dank!
GAST stellte diese Frage am 12.10.2010 - 00:10


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Antwort von Da_Ri-us_Wong (ehem. Mitglied) | 12.10.2010 - 09:35
Generell gilt unwichtiges raus lassen und Sätze mit einander verbinden.
Habe dir ein Beispiel geschrieben, mit hilfe deines Textes:

Zitat:
The chapter "License to kill", is about the rescue of Abbas Ruzvi, a famous film producer and the role model of Salim.
Salim and Thomas Ram have a reunion and Salim tell him a story of his job as a delivery boy.
One day he was attacked by a man and so he jumped into a bus. Shortly after he entered the bus, some hindus wanted to kill all Muslims. While this offense a man took out hin gun and killed the guys. After that, the man who had eliminated the Hindus asked Salim for helping him at the housework. Salim agrees and after a fwe days Mr.Kahn, the deliverer, gott some envelops. Salim opened this envelops and saw the pictures of some men with their adresses. On the evening Salim came to know that all the men ware dead and that Mr.Kahn had killed them. Some days later Mr.Kahn gott a new envelop. He gott the application to kill Abbas Rizvi. Salim wanted to save him, so he changed the picture and the adresse. The reason was that Mr.Kahn killed the wrong man. In the end of this chapter Mr.Kahn was killed by the police.


Ich habe jetz (hoffentlich) alles in der Vergangenheit geschrieben, der Grund hier für ist, dass Salim es jemandem erzählt und alles schon geschehen ist. Der Part wo Salim Ram trifft ist wie gewohnt im Präsens. Desweiteren havte ich nicht für grammatische Fehler so wie Fehler bezüglich der Rechtschreibung.

Dein Text hatte etwa 1380Zeichen, hingegen mein Text etwa 1000Zeichen besitz. Sicherlich kann man meinen Text auch noch kürzen, aber es ist nur ein beispiel. Hoffe konnte helfen =)


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Antwort von matata | 12.10.2010 - 11:49
and Salim tells him a story

a man took out his gun

and after a few days

the deliverer, got some envelopes

In the evening Salim came

Mr.Kahn got a new envelope

got the instruction to kill
________________________
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Antwort von pacciu (ehem. Mitglied) | 12.10.2010 - 14:53
In the chapter License to kill Thomas Ram has a reunion with Salim after five years.
At the beginning of the chapter Salim told Ram that his aim was to become an actor for which he needed to take acting classes which were paid by Abbas Rizvi, a famous film producer. Afterwards Salim told Ram his lifestory. He told Ram that one day on his job as a delivery boy he went to a family where many pictures of a man (Mr.Rawal) hang. He refered to Mr. Rawal as Mr. Pappu. Salim is told that he needs photos for which he bought himself a camera. On the way to the shop he was attacked by a man and then he jumped into a bus to get away. On the bus some hindus ruffians who were heavily armed wanted to kill all Muslims. During this offense a man takes out his gun and menaces the men. They quickly left the bus the man who killed them introduced himself as Ahmed Khan. Furthermore he asked Salim to help him with the housework. Moreover Salim agreed. After a few days Mr. Khan got a lot of envelopes which Salim weren’t allowed to open but he did it anyway, inside he saw photos of men and their addresses. On the evening Salim watched a Crime News Show, where these men are shown and he thought Ahmed killed them. One time he got a packet with a picture of Abbas Rizvi but Salim changed the picture and address, and Khan killed the wrong guy. At the end Khan is killed by the police.

 
Antwort von GAST | 12.10.2010 - 14:57
Warum bei einer Summary in past?
Regel ist doch Präsens oder Perfect.
In den Verbesserungen taucht oft bei euch "got" auf.


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Antwort von Da_Ri-us_Wong (ehem. Mitglied) | 12.10.2010 - 15:05
Geb dir recht, es muss in der Regel im Präsens oder im englischen Perfect verfasst sein. Allerdings musst du bedenken das das Kapitel 1. das Treffen beinhaltet und 2. die Geschichte.
Die Geschichte war in der Vergangenheit, unser Lehrer/mein Lehrer hat mir/uns beigebracht das aktionen die in der vergangenheit stadtfinden auch in der vergangenheit wieder gegeben werden müssen, hingegen, wenn das ganze Buch in der Vergangenheit stadtfindet das Präsens angewand wird.
Kurz: die "aktive" handlung = Present und Nacherzählungen(Vergangenheit) in der "aktiven" Handlung = Past.

Wobei ich mir nicht sicher bin welches Past genau angewendet werden muss.

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