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Obamas Eröffnungsrede - Englisch Korrektur

Frage: Obamas Eröffnungsrede - Englisch Korrektur
(2 Antworten)

 
Hi ich muss eine Analyse der Eröffnungsrede machen. Bitte mal drüberschaun und bissel korrigieren. Wäre echt nett. Danke.


Zitat:

The inaugural address of Barack Obama which holds on the 20th of January 2009 uses many rhetorical devices like the parallelism in the lines 40-45: “For us, they packed…For us, they toiled…For us, they fought…”. He uses this reliable sounding parallelism to catch attention of the voters. For this point he also uses an anaphora (line 16 “on this day”).
Another point is the personal address Obama using to identify himself with the audience. To reach the identification he emphasizes the words “us”, “we” and “our” and repeated this several times. In addition to that he also makes references to God (line 145) to motivate the people to change America and produce a feeling of community because many Americans are believer.
Other rhetorical devices are found in the lines 15 and 72. In line 15 Barack Obama uses an accumulation (“Homes…”) to create intention. The other device in line 72 is a contrast to place an emphasis on the bad economy.
The last rhetorical device is the metaphor which can be seen in line 8: “gathering clouds and raging storms”. This metaphor raises emotions and interest and is y symbol for the big problem America has. In other words, for a sunny weather the Americans have to change and to deal with the problems to solve the “clouds”.
ANONYM stellte diese Frage am 05.02.2009 - 17:27


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Antwort von nettes_maedel86 | 05.02.2009 - 18:08
da sind noch einige fehler drin... du solltest nochmal die verben überarbeiten und ein paar mehr satzverknüofungen (wie z.B. furthermore) benutzen.
einige sätze sin d nicht schlüssig,
z.B. In line 15 Barack Obama uses an accumulation (“Homes…”) to create intention. (Intention heißt so viel wie (ein) Ziel (verfolgen), Absicht!)
Dass amerikaner gläubig sind, solltest du erst später bringen, da es keinen direkten sinnzusammenhang gibt zu dem, was davor steht, und es erst am ende der rede. (zitate immer grob in der reihenfolge, in der sie stehen, es sei denn es gibt einen zusammenhang in der Argumentation.)

Außerdem reihst du alles nur aneinander, ich finde, da fehlen passende übergänge und ein paar erläuterungen.

LG!

 
Antwort von ANONYM | 05.02.2009 - 20:45
besser so, bitte korrigieren und kritisieren. es kann mir nur helfen.

Zitat:

The inaugural address of Barack Obama which holds on the 20th of January 2009 uses many rhetorical devices.
He starts his speech with a metaphor which can be seen in line 8: “gathering clouds and raging storms”. This metaphor raises emotions and interest and is a symbol for the big problem America has. In other words, for a sunny weather the Americans have to change and to deal with the problems to solve the “clouds”. Nevertheless, he uses the metaphor directly at the beginning because he wants to show that America will facing a major challenge. In line 15 Barack Obama uses an accumulation (“Homes…”) to show that he intentions his tasks and goals. And to catch the attention of the people he uses an anaphora in line 16 “on this day”.
The beginning of the speech also shows that Barack Obama’s main concern to change the domestic before they try to change their foreign.
After he gets the attention of the audience Obama using the words “us”, “we” and “our” and repeated this several times to identify himself with the audience. It’s normal because every politician wants a connection with the people because he wants that they trust him. Furthermore he wants to produce serenity of the Americans and those who also watch the speech.
The reliable sounding parallelism in the lines 40-45: “For us, they packed…For us, they toiled…For us, they fought…” has the purpose to catch the voter’s attention so, he starts to explain his plans for the changing of their foreign. Thus, the other device in line 72 is a contrast to place an emphasis on the bad economy and to show that this I also a part the American must handle with.
Finally he refers to God (line 145) to motivate the people to change America and produce a feeling of community because many Americans are believer.

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