Korrektur

Größtenteils ist das okay, ein paar Formulierung sind unidiomatisch ("sagt man so nicht").


Leroy Young was a man who grew up in a single parent home on a country farm in Alabama. He hated his life because there weren`t any children of his own age, any other houses within a mile and he hated the jobs he had to do on the farm, like looking after the animals and working the crops.
Mach aus dem zweiten langen doch lieber zwei Sätze mit einem Punkt nach dem "mile". Da fehlt übrigens ein "nor": ... (no) children of his own age NOR in any of the other houses within a mile" - sonst macht der Satz keinen Sinn. :)

The worst days of his life as a teenager were at the age of 16 when his brothers moved to the city and he had to stay to run the farm with his mother and sisters. Once he went away to live with an older brother, but he often became homesick, so he went back to the country.
When he did his high school he had no idea what he wanted to be, so he joined the army.
Okay, nur "tut" man die High School nicht - "after he had completed high school". Und man sagt im Deutschen zwar man "wird" etwas - das englische Verb dazu ist allerdings nicht "to be", sondern "to become".

Two years later he got in contact with drugs and alcohol, he went to parties and had a good time, but he didn`t think of what he has done, this were the wrong choices he did.
"but he didn´t think of what he HAD done" und "these were.. (Plural!)". Man "macht" eine Wahl im Englischen, also: "...choices he made".

After army he went back home and started living with another brother.
Later he went to university to study engineering but he broke up, because of being lazy. He was more interested into getting a job to earn money to buy a car, clothes and things. As time went by, he gave up, once again.
"broke up" geht nur in Beziehungen, der englische Ausdruck ist: "to quit university". Die richtige Präposition nach "to be interested" ist IN, und nicht INTO.

At the age of 27 he got married and gave birth to his daughter, his one and only child. He really loved them, he was very proud and he wanted the best for them.
MÄNNER KÖNNEN KINDER KRIEGEN?! "HE gave birth..."? Ist wohl nicht ganz das, was du meinst. ;) Bastel mal die Frau ein, die das Kind bekommen hat, je nachdem ob Ehefrau, Verlobte oder Freundin. Außerdem: du schreibst "one and only child", aber im nächsten Satz "them". Ja was denn nun? Einzelkind oder mehrere?

On the other hand he felt stressed, because he couldn`t give them the kind of ife he wanted for them. His wife had two other children from her first marriage, this was a reason why he got so jealous and because her ex-husband was still in love with her. Consequently his wife wanted to get divorced because of the violence under the influence of drugs and alcohol. He couldn`t handle the situation about losing his wife and daughter.
Schmeiß "the situation about" aus dem letzten Satz raus, das ist über: "He couldn`t handle losing his wife and daughter" ist so gut.

One day he shot his wife and sister-in-law down, as his sister-in-law lived through it and his wife sadly didn`t. That`s why he sat on death row.
Erschießen reicht, "down" ist über. Mach nach der sister-in-law einen Punkt und fang einen neuen Satz an: "While his sister-in-law survived the assault (den Angriff), his wife sadly didn´t."


Das sind nicht alle Fehler, die in deinem Text sind, aber die gröbsten. :)


Was mir gerade noch auffällt: dürft ihr contractions benutzen wenn ihr schreibt? Also z.B. "didn´t" statt "did not"? Sagen durften wir das auch in Kurzform, schreiben mussten wir das "lange".